Thread: Feedback: New story I am playing with
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Old Sep 23 2008, 11:12 AM   #3

Kath's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oop North

Fan of: Moreta
Default Re: New story I am playing with

I think it's the sentence fragments that stand out for me as the most obvious technical weakness.

<- this site has a lot of exercises and examples illustrating what sort of fixes need to be made.

What's also clear though, is that she's done some research and put a lot of thought into making the story plausible and interesting. Those are VERY good things indeed. Fixing technical stuff is usually far less challenging than fixing a weak plot - there's definitely potential here.
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