Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) - A Meeting of Minds

edith · Feb 7 2006, 05:09 AM

Feedback for Brenda's story Ghost in the Tunnels

oh-It's lovely!
very sad!

edith · Feb 17 2006, 02:29 PM

do you want me to delete my posts?
its getting really interesting!
more please!

Brenda · Feb 17 2006, 06:42 PM

It appears to have been taken care of - thanks!

I wish there was a longer window for editing!

Brenda · Feb 18 2006, 11:16 PM

I wrote a bunch more today it's almost finished!

Greenrider Tresa · Feb 20 2006, 12:08 PM

That was a great ending!

And now I realize why I liked it so much - reminded me of a series of ghost stories I used to read, before I lost interest in such things. With the little ghost-child disappering at the end to rejoin her family...
Believe the series was called Haunting with Louisa.

Brenda · Mar 1 2006, 09:56 PM

I'm actually trying to write a bit of an epilogue, with her going to the Weyr, and maybe one last glimpse of Tabby... But I am SO GLAD I finally got her out of that tunnel!

Brenda · Mar 26 2006, 01:05 AM

Well...

IT'S FINISHED!!!

Whaddaya think?

Brenda · Mar 30 2006, 04:14 PM

Come on, please, I added a bunch more... please read it and tell me what you think of the way I ended it? It was hard to figure out how to resolve everything!

edith · Mar 31 2006, 04:21 AM

It's lovely!
Just couldn't think what to put before!
edi

Apr 11 2007, 11:53 AM

Thank you for the story. that was wonderful. I think the abandoned tunnels is a great area for more stories. Thanks again. Kitty

Brenda · Apr 11 2007, 06:34 PM

Glad you liked it! I got part of the idea from Dragonquest, of course - Jaxom exploring the tunnels at Ruatha, then getting lost with Felessan in Benden Weyr... I figured there are old tunnels in a lot of the Holds. But the idea that came first was of having someone, a child, see a ghost, and no one believes them until a dragon says that the fire lizard saw someone too. I think it worked out nicely.

Brighid · Mar 7 2008, 04:46 PM

Excellent story! And, that goes for Mirrim's vigil, news from the weyr, and Dragonsong: an alternate tune too.

Brenda · Mar 7 2008, 07:00 PM

Thank you!

R'na · Mar 7 2008, 07:43 PM

Brenda that is awsome.

Multi-Facets · Mar 7 2008, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brenda

I wish there was a longer window for editing!

What do we do when we can no longer edit, by chance?

jube · Mar 8 2008, 06:40 AM

This sounds like the short story written by Anne McCaffrey that was set in Moreta's time (now I'm going to have to go back and read that one now) about a dragon showing people the way to the other side. I liked the fact that there are other ways and means to show other "facets" *sorry and pardon the pun, Multi-facets* of Pern life.

**Cheryl** · Mar 8 2008, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brenda

I wish there was a longer window for editing!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Multi-Facets

What do we do when we can no longer edit, by chance?

The window for editing is about a week, because after that few people who already read a post will notice the changes -- unless posted anew.

But if you ever feel you have a good reason for editing later, just drop me a PM to explain. I can always temporarily change the limit to allow for a later edit.

Multi-Facets · Mar 8 2008, 04:19 PM

Pun forgiven, Jube.

I might do that, Ms. (Mrs?) Cheryl. Posting "Dragonchance" again feels too much like spamming to me.

So! Now for the most important part. Ms. Brenda, I liked "Ghost In The Tunnels". You have very clean spelling, grammar and punctuation; I, who's so picky about it I correct mistakes in my books, could not find anything wrong with that part.

I found it interesting how, in a way, your 'fic fits with Mrs. McCaffrey's view of how those things -where spirits go when they're gone, if there's a Heaven, yatta yatta- work on Pern. I was very happy when Relly was finally able to come back for Tabby.

Sarla was very believable, and I wanted to slap her foster mother for accusing her of lying so many times. Good lord, she was heavy-handed. Okay, so she turned out all right, but really, that's not how people should handle a possible lie when there's a kid involved.

One thing that puzzles me is Sarla being sent away just because her peers treated her differently. Isn't that a bit.... I dunno, extreme? I'm glad Sarla is finding new friends at the Weyr, but being sent there just seemed odd to me.

Still, it was a cute, diverting story. Good work, and thank you for sharing it.

Brenda · Mar 9 2008, 04:23 PM

I just figured since everyone in the entire Hold knew about this extremely wierd thing that happened to her, and the fuss it kicked up, and the fact that she didn't seem to have many friends to begin with... I meant for them to do it in her best interests, because she was getting pretty miserable there. A fresh start for her.

I don't even remember thinking about "Beyond Between" when I wrote it, though. :shrug:

Multi-Facets · Mar 9 2008, 08:33 PM

Yeah, you have a good point there. The Weyr did turn out to be better for Sarla, then.

Feb 7 2006, 05:09 AM	#1
edith Dragonrider Weyrwoman Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Delft Fan of: Most of them :) Now Reading: Don't You Have Time To Think- RP Feynman	Re: Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Feedback for Brenda's story Ghost in the Tunnels oh-It's lovely! very sad! __________________ "Should a rocket explode upon starting, it is called a "hard start." " http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergolic Last edited by Cheryl; Feb 17 2006 at 05:34 PM. Reason: edited to add link to original story

Feb 17 2006, 02:29 PM	#2
edith Dragonrider Weyrwoman Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Delft Fan of: Most of them :) Now Reading: Don't You Have Time To Think- RP Feynman	Re: Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) do you want me to delete my posts? its getting really interesting! more please! __________________ "Should a rocket explode upon starting, it is called a "hard start." " http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergolic

Feb 17 2006, 06:42 PM	#3
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) It appears to have been taken care of - thanks! I wish there was a longer window for editing!

Feb 18 2006, 11:16 PM	#4
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) I wrote a bunch more today it's almost finished!

Feb 20 2006, 12:08 PM	#5
Greenrider Tresa The Contrary Planetary Brain Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Northern Indiana Fan of: The Ship Who Searched Now Reading: The Calhoun Collection, Nora Roberts	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) That was a great ending! And now I realize why I liked it so much - reminded me of a series of ghost stories I used to read, before I lost interest in such things. With the little ghost-child disappering at the end to rejoin her family... Believe the series was called Haunting with Louisa. __________________ Thinking, understanding, reasoning, willing, call not these Soul! They are its actions, but they are not its essence. Akhenaton? (c. B.C. 1375) Egyptian King and Monotheist

Mar 1 2006, 09:56 PM	#6
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) I'm actually trying to write a bit of an epilogue, with her going to the Weyr, and maybe one last glimpse of Tabby... But I am SO GLAD I finally got her out of that tunnel!

Mar 26 2006, 01:05 AM	#7
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Well... IT'S FINISHED!!! Whaddaya think?

Mar 30 2006, 04:14 PM	#8
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Come on, please, I added a bunch more... please read it and tell me what you think of the way I ended it? It was hard to figure out how to resolve everything!

Mar 31 2006, 04:21 AM	#9
edith Dragonrider Weyrwoman Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Delft Fan of: Most of them :) Now Reading: Don't You Have Time To Think- RP Feynman	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) It's lovely! Just couldn't think what to put before! edi __________________ "Should a rocket explode upon starting, it is called a "hard start." " http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergolic

Apr 11 2007, 11:53 AM	#10
Kitty Guest	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Thank you for the story. that was wonderful. I think the abandoned tunnels is a great area for more stories. Thanks again. Kitty

Apr 11 2007, 06:34 PM	#11
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Glad you liked it! I got part of the idea from Dragonquest, of course - Jaxom exploring the tunnels at Ruatha, then getting lost with Felessan in Benden Weyr... I figured there are old tunnels in a lot of the Holds. But the idea that came first was of having someone, a child, see a ghost, and no one believes them until a dragon says that the fire lizard saw someone too. I think it worked out nicely. __________________ . Check out my Pern fiction! Mirrim's Vigil News from the Weyr Missing Link Dragonsong: An Alternate Tune Ghost in the Tunnels Changes at Riverbend Hold Pern Songs

Mar 7 2008, 04:46 PM	#12
Brighid Dragonrider Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: New York Fan of: Pern series Now Reading: History of Tea	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Excellent story! And, that goes for Mirrim's vigil, news from the weyr, and Dragonsong: an alternate tune too.

Mar 7 2008, 07:00 PM	#13
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Thank you! __________________ . Check out my Pern fiction! Mirrim's Vigil News from the Weyr Missing Link Dragonsong: An Alternate Tune Ghost in the Tunnels Changes at Riverbend Hold Pern Songs

Mar 7 2008, 07:43 PM	#14
R'na Dragonrider Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Prescott Az USA Fan of: dragonriders of pern Now Reading: Random Fanfiction	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Brenda that is awsome. __________________ Rider of bronze Zoreth

Mar 8 2008, 06:40 AM	#16
jube Dolphineer Journeywoman Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Australia Fan of: Dragons of Pern Now Reading: Puzzles and my thesaurus!	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) This sounds like the short story written by Anne McCaffrey that was set in Moreta's time (now I'm going to have to go back and read that one now) about a dragon showing people the way to the other side. I liked the fact that there are other ways and means to show other "facets" sorry and pardon the pun, Multi-facets of Pern life. __________________ Dolphineer Journeywoman and part-time researcher.... Find me on ebay..... Here'tis!

Mar 8 2008, 04:19 PM	#18
Multi-Facets Insert Witty Title Here. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Colorado Fan of: Girl Who Heard Dragons Now Reading: Newflesh/Mira Grant.	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Pun forgiven, Jube. I might do that, Ms. (Mrs?) Cheryl. Posting "Dragonchance" again feels too much like spamming to me. So! Now for the most important part. Ms. Brenda, I liked "Ghost In The Tunnels". You have very clean spelling, grammar and punctuation; I, who's so picky about it I correct mistakes in my books, could not find anything wrong with that part. I found it interesting how, in a way, your 'fic fits with Mrs. McCaffrey's view of how those things -where spirits go when they're gone, if there's a Heaven, yatta yatta- work on Pern. I was very happy when Relly was finally able to come back for Tabby. Sarla was very believable, and I wanted to slap her foster mother for accusing her of lying so many times. Good lord, she was heavy-handed. Okay, so she turned out all right, but really, that's not how people should handle a possible lie when there's a kid involved. One thing that puzzles me is Sarla being sent away just because her peers treated her differently. Isn't that a bit.... I dunno, extreme? I'm glad Sarla is finding new friends at the Weyr, but being sent there just seemed odd to me. Still, it was a cute, diverting story. Good work, and thank you for sharing it. __________________ Rest well, Mrs. McCaffrey. Long live your work!

Mar 9 2008, 04:23 PM	#19
Brenda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: St. Louis	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) I just figured since everyone in the entire Hold knew about this extremely wierd thing that happened to her, and the fuss it kicked up, and the fact that she didn't seem to have many friends to begin with... I meant for them to do it in her best interests, because she was getting pretty miserable there. A fresh start for her. I don't even remember thinking about "Beyond Between" when I wrote it, though. :shrug: __________________ . Check out my Pern fiction! Mirrim's Vigil News from the Weyr Missing Link Dragonsong: An Alternate Tune Ghost in the Tunnels Changes at Riverbend Hold Pern Songs

Mar 9 2008, 08:33 PM	#20
Multi-Facets Insert Witty Title Here. Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Colorado Fan of: Girl Who Heard Dragons Now Reading: Newflesh/Mira Grant.	Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic) Yeah, you have a good point there. The Weyr did turn out to be better for Sarla, then. __________________ Rest well, Mrs. McCaffrey. Long live your work!

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Pern Book, Short Story, and Miscellany List; Common Abbreviations	Cheryl	Dragonriders of Pern	1	Jun 28 2008 08:53 AM
Pern Fanfic - Part Three - T'karn's Fort (inc. feedback)	Gidget2	Exhibit Hall	5	Apr 26 2008 12:53 PM
Collecting Highlight (43) - The Atlas of Pern c.s.	Hans	Collecting Highlights Archives	23	Feb 25 2007 08:30 PM
Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)	Brenda	Exhibit Hall	4	Mar 24 2006 11:56 PM