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Old Oct 26 2017, 06:16 AM   #761
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a note declaring that the produce will be delivered after a suitable passage of time as the seeds are now embedded in the aforementioned compost.

*Inserts the Codex Zakynthius.*
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Old Oct 26 2017, 07:29 PM   #762
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

All the secrets of the old world are revealed, However it is written in invisible ink.

" Inserts a Water Balloon "
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Old Oct 27 2017, 04:20 PM   #763
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The balloon returns fully kitted out for Richard Branson's first attempt to cross the Atlantic by underwater balloon, setting off from the Virgin Isles of course.

*Inserts a Gulfstream aircraft.*
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Oct 27 2017, 08:33 PM   #764
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The Machine Delivers to you a pair of around the world tickets. Choose wisely whom you want to take with you.

Inserts a pair of warm earmuffs.
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Old Oct 28 2017, 04:28 PM   #765
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After a series of sounds worthy of a Hammer Horror Movie; the earmuffs are returned somewhat enlarged, and fitted on an Uber taxi.

*Inserts a fake Chinese 43 yen banknote.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Oct 28 2017, 07:56 PM   #766
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Counterfeiter alert, go directly to jail, do not pass Beijing, do not collect 1329.79 Yen.

inserts a Tonka truck.
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Old Oct 29 2017, 02:31 PM   #767
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The machine stages a noisy Grand Autotheft type car chase -- entirely with Dinkytoys!

*Inserts a lucky horseshoe from Shergar.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Oct 29 2017, 06:11 PM   #768
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What Luck ! the machine wins the Lottery !

Inserts a bunch of losing tickets.
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Old Oct 30 2017, 04:52 PM   #769
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The machine returns them as numerous bags of confetti in the shapes of lucky four-leaf clovers.

*Inserts the sheet music for "Balleilakka" from the film "Sivaji".
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Oct 30 2017, 11:59 PM   #770
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

In a heavy Indian accent machine informs all that " We are having technical difficulties, please try again later"

Inserts a hood ornament from a 1955 Chevy Belair nomad.
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Old Oct 31 2017, 12:56 AM   #771
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

An actual nomad emerges and offers you a camel ride - in exchange for your clothes.

Inserts a blue diamond.
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Old Oct 31 2017, 03:57 PM   #772
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers an assortment of other gems including yellow rubies, green sapphires, red emeralds, and Pernese black diamonds.

*Inserts a picture of Anne McCaffrey.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Oct 31 2017, 06:31 PM   #773
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine goes quiet for quite a while, A Display window opens and this message appears, I can not compete. I can do many things. But I can not create an entire World.

Inserts a bowl of Chocolate CoCoa puffs.
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Old Nov 1 2017, 06:03 AM   #774
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Machine goes quiet for quite a while, A Display window opens and this message appears, "I would rather have a bowl of porridge, thank you."

*Inserts a message saying "Sorry. No can do," & a bicycle pump.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Nov 3 2017, 10:02 PM   #775
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine pumps up old car inner tubes and requests you float away down the river for a Vacation.

Inserts a stuffed one eyed Minion.
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Old Nov 4 2017, 04:30 PM   #776
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How despicable!

The machine delivers an inflatable Scarlet Overkill sex doll.

*Inserts a packet of sparklers.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 4 2017, 09:05 PM   #777
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Machine is alight with the wonder of sparkling light! due to the special conditions! One time only! 2 items must be inserted.

Inserts a hubcap and a little red Wagon.
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Old Nov 6 2017, 07:56 PM   #778
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a pair of large sunglasses, and a radiator mascot.

*Inserts a bag of fairy dust.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 6 2017, 10:26 PM   #779
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Hundreds of tiny fairies stream out and away to bring happy dreams to children all over the land.

Inserts Jacks magic beans.
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Old Nov 7 2017, 06:58 PM   #780
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The machine splits asunder as a large green shoot shoots skyward. Some 5 minutes later the machine is crushed under an enormous being landing on it bum first. You take off down the road leaving the machine to its fate.

Yet another replacement machine has to be delivered.

*Inserts a baby's dummy.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 7 2017, 08:12 PM   #781
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and unto you is delivered a Baby, Screaming and crying until the mother and father appear to claim their pride and joy !

In appreciation you enter a large donation to the Homeless children's fund.
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Old Nov 8 2017, 05:19 PM   #782
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The machine delivers a printed note hoping that you will donate a similar amount each month.

In appreciation you kick the machine hard. Whereupon a hatch opens and a mechanical arm hits you with a hammer.

*Inserts a bill for subsequent medical treatment.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 8 2017, 08:34 PM   #783
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Bill is paid, with much machine mumbling, an apology note is also delivered with a bit of grumbling.

In an attempt to smooth Machine > Human relations, ......Inserts a Pineapple upside down cake with Cherries!
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Old Nov 9 2017, 08:39 AM   #784
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The machine returns the cake up the right way sans cherries! And two dozen cupcakes made in bone china cups.

*Inserts a better sense of humour.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 9 2017, 07:24 PM   #785
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Machine beeps! sense of humor unknown!

Inserts a zip tie and 7 golf balls.
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Old Nov 10 2017, 05:27 PM   #786
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The machine returns the golf balls, plus Donald Trump who drives them off down the road with his wedgie. He tries to follow them but is prevented by the machine one of who's extensibles is grasping the zip-lock which is now round Donald's neck.

*Inserts a CFP franc from the Isles Wallis et Futuna."
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 10 2017, 07:52 PM   #787
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Money, Money, Money, pay the bills !

Inserts a box of tissues.
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Old Nov 10 2017, 11:39 PM   #788
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A guide to Hallmark's Fall lineup comes out.


*Inserts a dragonfly in amber*
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Old Nov 11 2017, 04:39 AM   #789
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It comes out beautifully set as the centrepiece of an amber necklace.

Inserts three red Anzac poppies and an Armistice Day commemoration programme.
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Old Nov 11 2017, 04:36 PM   #790
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The machine "delivers" Binyon's For the Fallen to an intricate Gregorian Chant.

*Inserts an excerpt from X-factor.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Nov 11 2017, 08:47 PM   #791
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The BONG of a giant Gong is heard from the Machine! Then an Apology, Sorry, Wrong show.

Inserts a framed photo of Chuck Barris.
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Old Nov 12 2017, 11:16 AM   #792
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The machine delivers a one-way air ticket to East Berlin, and a silenced Colt automatic with no ammunition.

*Inserts a signed photo of Ralph Reader.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 13 2017, 07:20 PM   #793
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Machine delivers a scouting program.

Inserts a Walking stick.
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Old Nov 14 2017, 06:09 PM   #794
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The machine delivers it back, along with a ball and Charlie Chaplin on rollerskates reading a mimeogrphed paper containing the rules for playing street hockey.

*Inserts a small bowler hat.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 14 2017, 08:53 PM   #795
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Out pops a small bowler that looks like Stan Hardy. He wanders off looking for pins to knock down.

Inserts an Empty peanut can.
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Old Nov 15 2017, 06:36 PM   #796
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The machine delivers Linus and Lucy van Pelt who dance off singing "We're looking for a piano" from Julian Slade's "Salad Days".

*Inserts a section of Babbage's Calculation Engine.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Nov 15 2017, 07:28 PM   #797
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Machine gives no response, keeps flashing " analyzing " on a small screen.

Inserts a box of Kleenex Tissues.
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Old Yesterday, 05:48 PM   #798
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There is a series of minor explosions. The machine then delivers an empty tissue box . . . . . . and a large plastic bag containing all the used tissues now dripping with engine oil and hydraulic fluid.

*Inserts a first edition of the first issue of "Astoundings".*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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