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Old Dec 24 2017, 10:53 PM   #841
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

An obsidian knife with a direwolf hilt emerges.

*Inserts a platter of Christmas cookies*
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Old Dec 25 2017, 03:16 AM   #842
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine replies with a Mōdraniht feast of Yule Goat with all the trimmings.

*Inserts a piece of white folded cardboard on which is printed "Write your own message: draw your own picture."*
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Dec 25 2017, 04:52 PM   #843
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The cardboard is returned with a simple message, Leave others their Otherness.


Inserts a mug of warmed Eggnog with a cinnamon stick and grated nutmeg.
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Old Dec 26 2017, 03:25 PM   #844
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine replies with a flask of Klah.

*Inserts an unsolved Kakuro puzzle.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Dec 26 2017, 04:56 PM   #845
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine returns your puzzle solved, elapsed time was .000000001 second.

Inserts a Chinese puzzle box with Surprise inside.
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Old Dec 27 2017, 06:00 PM   #846
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine returns your surprise box. Surprise!!! The surprise is now wrapped around the outside of the box.

*Inserts a original Edison carbon-filament light bulb.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Dec 28 2017, 07:04 PM   #847
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

An arm extends from the internal workings with the original light fixture used to test the very first bulb, it is permanently attached under a glass cover and now acts as a power indicator for the Universal time machine for all Eternity.

Inserts a Pittsburgh Pirate baseball cap.
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Old Dec 29 2017, 04:52 PM   #848
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine presents you with a pair of complimentary tickets for the Directors' Box to watch Chicago Cubs versus Chicago White Sox.

*Inserts an "UGG!" smilie.
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Dec 30 2017, 04:27 PM   #849
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine ejects a small pile of faux leather ,faux fur and various bits and pieces of synthetic fibers, Then produces a pair of hand crafted Eskimo Muk Luks. , with a note reading "enjoy".

Inserts Christmas tree top Angel Ornament.
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Old Dec 31 2017, 06:15 AM   #850
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine posts out a note "Merry everything and happy always, Have a happy, safe and healthy New Year."

Inserts a used New Year firework shell.
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Old Dec 31 2017, 11:51 AM   #851
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

To the unmusical sounds of a warning siren, the machine delivers an entire Royal Marine Bomb Disposal Team who make the machine the object of a "controlled Explosion".

After the machine is replaced (yet sgain), *inserts a small bar of plain chocolate.*
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Dec 31 2017, 04:28 PM   #852
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Nothing is delivered fir the bar of Chocolate, Machine malfunction.

Inserts a 50 cent sized slug.
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Old Dec 31 2017, 05:23 PM   #853
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine (having recovered from the overdose of serotonin) delivers a car-sized snail.

*Inserts a leaf*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 1 2018, 10:21 AM   #854
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

After receiving your lone leaf, The machine Leafs you alone...For now.

Inserts a 1/4 sized Harp.
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Old Jan 1 2018, 05:05 PM   #855
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a minature score for Mozart's Harp Concerto in C major.

*Inserts (with difficulty) Gigezunft Doppleschwand's largest doublebass.*
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 6 2018, 06:27 PM   #856
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Too big to play, going Skiing instead.

Inserts a Mug of Double Swiss mocha With a touch of Cinnamon.
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Old Jan 7 2018, 01:00 AM   #857
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

an empty mug emerges with a note: Thanks, please send more!

*inserts box of Kleenex*
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Old Jan 7 2018, 03:19 AM   #858
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine sneezes really hard and the tissues reappear origamied into a birds which fly around singing "Le Cygne" from Saint-Saens' Carnival of the Animals.

*Inserts a used wedding dress.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Jan 7 2018, 10:43 PM   #859
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine sends Condolences to the user of said Wedding Dress.

Inserts a pint of Kentucky white lighting!
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Old Jan 8 2018, 02:52 PM   #860
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine is surrounded by half a dozen old Paddy Wagons, disgorging a horde of Keystone-type cops. The interior of the machine is in a time-warp and it's still prohibition in there.

*Inserts a hands-free mouse.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 8 2018, 08:29 PM   #861
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Hey Mouse, Click on the Cheese! .....................The Mouse ignores me. Mr. Mouse, please click on the cheese. The Mouse clicks on the Cheese and you win One free Turn in the game of your choice.

Inserts a Cantaloupe.
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Old Jan 9 2018, 03:58 AM   #862
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Unfortunately, I can not find a machine that will allow me to play the game of my choice meanwhile, passers-by are being bombarded with a seemingly never-ending stream of melon balls.

*Inserts a live crab.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 9 2018, 06:49 AM   #863
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine scuttles around sideways trying to rid itself of the crab, which has hidden in its inner workings.

Inserts a large seagull to deal with the crab.
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Old Jan 9 2018, 11:48 PM   #864
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The seagull flies off after a vain try at de-crabbing the machine. The captain of the Time Bandit shows up and takes care of the now rather large King Crab. Dinner is served!

Inserts a Supply of Steaks and Corn on the Cob for said dinner!
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Old Jan 11 2018, 04:26 PM   #865
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Unfortunately, having heard thst food is on the go, a large number of homeless folks turn up to consume the same, and fight over who gets the largest steak.

*Inserts a soda water syphon.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 11 2018, 09:27 PM   #866
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Machine uses the syphon to spray down the masses trying to get 2nd Steaks and corn.

Inserts a supply of towels
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Old Jan 12 2018, 04:42 PM   #867
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The machine delivers a note complaining that you have a dry sense of humour.

*Inserts a copy of The Bumper Book of Schoolboy Jokes.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Jan 12 2018, 06:59 PM   #868
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lol,lo l,lol,lol,lol,

Inserts a spare tire from a 1923 Mode T ford. and a slice of apple pie,
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Old Jan 13 2018, 01:54 PM   #869
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a copy of Daddy Longlegs by Jean Webster.

*Inserts a bamboo bicycle.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Jan 13 2018, 06:02 PM   #870
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Arggh, Splinters !

Inserts a tube of antibiotic ointment and some band aids.
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Old Jan 14 2018, 05:19 PM   #871
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine starts vibrating and juddering around. It finally falls to pieces as it was allergic to hibitane.

Went and had Mocca-cappachino while waiting for a replacement machine to arrive.

Went and had a swim; ditto.

Went and had lunch; ditto.

Went and had a quiet liedown; ditto.

Finally!

*Inserts a finals exam paper for B.Sc. Zoology.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 14 2018, 05:36 PM   #872
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out slides a Diploma in Zoology to " The Universal Vending Machine " , Which starts making smug, self satisfied noises, for what seems like forever.

Inserts a green plaid Kilt and a set of bagpipes.
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Old Jan 15 2018, 06:13 AM   #873
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The plaid on kilt and bagpipes is Henderson of Fordell. The entire clan Henderson pours out of the machine yelling "The Hendersons are here!" They follow their piper over the horison.

Inserts a haggis.
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Old Jan 15 2018, 08:15 PM   #874
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A member of clan Henderson of Fordell, races back and rescues the Haggis, smiles and runs after his Family, Oh Well, a nice pint and some Haggis would have been nice.

Inserts a Cat Flea collar.
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Old Jan 19 2018, 07:36 AM   #875
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a note stating that the collar does not fit any of the cat fleas inhabiting the machine.

*Inserts a tie in Hunting Fraser plaid.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jan 19 2018, 08:18 PM   #876
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The Machine has a problem with a Windsor knot, Calls in a favor from a quite lovely serving wench of days of yore, Whom ties the tie, and a wink of her eye, Disappears back into the machine with a hearty laugh!

Inserts a horse collar.
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Old Jan 21 2018, 05:44 AM   #877
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It reappears around the neck of a handsome Clydesdale, who clops past towing a dray upon which the Hendersons of Fordell are still carousing - with Scotch, of course!

Inserts a bottle of (very expensive) Potocki vodka.
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Old Jan 21 2018, 01:20 PM   #878
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine quits responding for quite a few hours, strange noises are heard from time to time. After the noises stop, and a few hours of what sounds like snoring a one word response is issued forth..................WOW !

Inserts a Red Rider BB Gun !
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Old Jan 22 2018, 12:30 AM   #879
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A very young Clint Eastwood emerges dressed up like a tiny cowboy. He runs toward you shooting the BB and yelling excitedly.

"inserts a single eagle feather*
__________________
Thinking, understanding, reasoning, willing, call not these
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Akhenaton? (c. B.C. 1375)
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Old Jan 22 2018, 11:19 AM   #880
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A very young Jay Silverheels emerges dressed up as a tiny Indian, with the feather in a headband. He runs towards you waving a minature tomahawk missile, and whooping excitedly.

*Inserts a surf board.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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All references to worlds and characters based on Anne McCaffrey’s fiction are copyright © Anne McCaffrey 1967-2008, all rights reserved, and used by permission of the author.