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Old Sep 24 2012, 03:54 PM   #1
Golden Talisath
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Default Dragonflight: different tune

I've posted a story on DeviantArt which is different take on Dragonflight. It answers the question of what would happen to Benden, Ruatha and all of Pern if Lessa chose to keep Ruatha instead of going to Benden with F'lar.
Comments are welcomed.
I apologise in advance for the tipe in which the story is presented, as I'm new to DeviantArt.
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From the Weyr and from the Bowl
Bronze and Brown and Blue and Green,
Rise the dragonmen of Pern,
Aloft, on wing, seen, then unseen.
Dragonman avoid excess
Greed will bring the Weyr distress;
To the ancient Laws adhere,
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Old Sep 25 2012, 01:43 PM   #2
Kath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Link?
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Old Sep 25 2012, 02:35 PM   #3
Golden Talisath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Ooops!

http://talisath.deviantart.com/art/D...tune-328997108
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"Manuscripts don't burn", Woland, ''The Master and Margarita''

From the Weyr and from the Bowl
Bronze and Brown and Blue and Green,
Rise the dragonmen of Pern,
Aloft, on wing, seen, then unseen.
Dragonman avoid excess
Greed will bring the Weyr distress;
To the ancient Laws adhere,
Prospers thus the Dragon-weyr.
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Old Sep 25 2012, 03:54 PM   #4
Kath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

It's a lovely idea, and well done too, but rather spoiled by the fact that you don't seem to have taken time to proof read it. It's riddled with typos...
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Old Sep 26 2012, 03:52 AM   #5
Golden Talisath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

I'm sure it is. Probably spelling mistakes, right?
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"Manuscripts don't burn", Woland, ''The Master and Margarita''

From the Weyr and from the Bowl
Bronze and Brown and Blue and Green,
Rise the dragonmen of Pern,
Aloft, on wing, seen, then unseen.
Dragonman avoid excess
Greed will bring the Weyr distress;
To the ancient Laws adhere,
Prospers thus the Dragon-weyr.
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Old Sep 26 2012, 05:30 PM   #6
Lily
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

I enjoyed the story. Is there to be any more? It's full of potential.

But please - correct those typos!!!

And I hope you don't mind, typos can be very amusing. I enjoyed this one:
Quote:
"Marriage to the only surviving hair"
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Old Sep 27 2012, 03:04 AM   #7
Golden Talisath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Thank you, Lily. I'm working on it. I have it all on paper, I just need to tipe them down. And I need to give it to someone for cheking, as I myself am terrible with grammar. Most things I'm not sure about I correct with the help of the dictionary, but there are some things I am sure about but are wrong.

Good God, didn't even notice that one!!! My English teacher is probably hiccuping somewhere right now.
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"Manuscripts don't burn", Woland, ''The Master and Margarita''

From the Weyr and from the Bowl
Bronze and Brown and Blue and Green,
Rise the dragonmen of Pern,
Aloft, on wing, seen, then unseen.
Dragonman avoid excess
Greed will bring the Weyr distress;
To the ancient Laws adhere,
Prospers thus the Dragon-weyr.
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Old Sep 27 2012, 11:41 AM   #8
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Definitely find someone good to beta/proof-read it for you. Other than that, you've got me insanely curious now. And eagerly awaiting the next chapters!
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Old Sep 27 2012, 02:44 PM   #9
Golden Talisath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Thank you!
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"Manuscripts don't burn", Woland, ''The Master and Margarita''

From the Weyr and from the Bowl
Bronze and Brown and Blue and Green,
Rise the dragonmen of Pern,
Aloft, on wing, seen, then unseen.
Dragonman avoid excess
Greed will bring the Weyr distress;
To the ancient Laws adhere,
Prospers thus the Dragon-weyr.
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Old Sep 29 2012, 11:40 AM   #10
Anareth
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Um...would you consider posting it somewhere else? I know way too many people who've gotten nasty viruses from things on DeviantArt.
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Old Oct 1 2012, 03:55 AM   #11
Golden Talisath
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Default Re: Dragonflight: different tune

Really? Didn't know that. Hmm, I suppose I can post it directly here, so it's easier to find. I'm just in the middle of correcting it, so it might take a while.
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"Manuscripts don't burn", Woland, ''The Master and Margarita''

From the Weyr and from the Bowl
Bronze and Brown and Blue and Green,
Rise the dragonmen of Pern,
Aloft, on wing, seen, then unseen.
Dragonman avoid excess
Greed will bring the Weyr distress;
To the ancient Laws adhere,
Prospers thus the Dragon-weyr.
Golden Talisath is offline   Reply With Quote
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