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Exhibit Hall For the exhibition of artistic creations by our members, from poetry and prose to drawings, photography, and digital art.

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Old Jul 12 2008, 08:54 PM   #1
GinnyStar
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Cool The Perfect-Matched

Well, that a twist on a story. I think might be the first to start a feedback on this story if not sorry. You did a nice job. Poor lass, I hope things turn all right for her and her new life-mate. You did have some spell wrong. I should talk for my spelling is not the best. It well be very diffent have a child that young impress, she is older that in a differnt fan written story I read.
Keep it up, Fist time I had seen ice skating on Pern. I know they useing something to get around the snowpart of Pern. In a few of Anne books and short stories. Something like a showshoe or a ski I think.
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Old Jul 13 2008, 06:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: The Perfect-Matched

I'm assuming this takes place in the "Skyboom" universe? Though just the fact that F'lon is still alive should really change history around quite a bit...

It's very well written, and even though the mind boggles at a five-year old Impressing, obviously it is boggling the minds of the players in the story, too. I like that in a story - if you're going to do something unconventional, to have the characters in the story also realize the unconventionality of it is a plus.

(Oh, and I think "felis" is spelled "fellis".)
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Old Jul 13 2008, 09:02 PM   #3
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Default Re: The Perfect-Matched

It is a very good beginning. Kind of an alternate history. Hmmm. I'm looking forward to reading more of the story.
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Old Jul 13 2008, 10:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: The Perfect-Matched

Yeah, the mention of Simanith and F'lon made me go "Hang on..." but then I remembered it's related to Skyboom.
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Old Jul 14 2008, 02:25 PM   #5
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Re: The Perfect-Matched

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shalyn View Post
I'm assuming this takes place in the "Skyboom" universe?
Indeed. It takes place a few Turns after Skyboom. How many Turns depends on which character you're talking to.

Quote:
Though just the fact that F'lon is still alive should really change history around quite a bit...
F'lon being alive is probably the least of it. ::

Quote:
It's very well written, and even though the mind boggles at a five-year old Impressing, obviously it is boggling the minds of the players in the story, too. I like that in a story - if you're going to do something unconventional, to have the characters in the story also realize the unconventionality of it is a plus.
The funnest part of writing something outrageous like this is figuring out how all the various characters react. Or even just watching which characters offer themselves up to me as viewpoint characters...I don't have the foggiest of how I ended up with Brekke as a POV character, and not only that, but in the first person too! And F'nor, whom I've been struggling with in Skyboom, actually got a speaking line for once. Albeit one where my sense of humor raises its head...

But stepping back a bit--yes, you need to have characters react realistically. All of you guys know Pern, probably much MUCH better than I in a lot of cases. And if I'm going to be throwing wild ideas and theories out, I have to take extra steps to keep your suspension of belief suspended. And as I said before, it's just more fun to write characters who react as if they actually have their own pasts, feelings, emotions, and brains.

Touching on the five-year-old thing again...Merelly was crafted quite consciously to fulfill practically every Mary Sue checklist item possible. I'm going to have a lot of fun proving that she can stand as a strong character despite being outwardly a textbook example of a character with massive Mary Sue traits. (Famous parents? Queen Benden dragon? Dragon named "Wrath" of all things? Intelligence, talent, charisma, and a tragic event in her past? Check check check check!)

Quote:
(Oh, and I think "felis" is spelled "fellis".)
...you're probably correct. I didn't check that one. Darnit. It will be fixed sooner or later.

Anyway, again, thank you everyone for your feedback. I should actually be posting the next part of Skyboom shortly; I'll be doing that revamping I intend, too, but it might happen a little later, particularly since I may have fixed some parts that were bugging me in the next chapter or two I intend to post.
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Old Jul 20 2008, 05:04 PM   #6
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Default Re: The Perfect-Matched

Wow. . . good job! I really like how it starts with Brekke's perspective, and shows her as the competent, confident person that I figured had to in there somewhere! A 5-turn-old Impressing, huh? It'll be really interesting to see what her life is like, and how she handles it all.

Keep writing!

P.S. I like the part where the cook offers to have F'nor's babies!

Last edited by Weyrlady; Jul 20 2008 at 05:08 PM. Reason: more thought
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