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Old Aug 20 2017, 12:45 AM   #641
Greenrider Tresa
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a thick Cuban pork sandwhich
*inserts portrait of Kim Jong-un*
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Old Aug 20 2017, 07:54 AM   #642
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out come three long missiles on many-wheeled trailers.

You discover that they are hollow stage-props rusty with long use and re-insert two of them. The third was last seen disappearing over a hill.
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Old Aug 20 2017, 02:56 PM   #643
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a long roll of canvas with some poles sticking out. On opening it all up, you discover a ridge-tent with red crosses on it, and a lot of sand. It was last used as the sick-bay during the filming of Lawrence of Arabia.

*Inserts a packet of Camel cigarettes.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Aug 20 2017, 06:45 PM   #644
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Camel coughing and wheezing with a cigarette in its mouth before it keels over and expires

*Reinserts the Camel*
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Old Aug 21 2017, 09:26 PM   #645
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

out flies a swarm of sand flies and a lost Bedouin Herder, one follows the other away down the lane.

Inserts a brass flower pot.
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Old Aug 22 2017, 06:53 PM   #646
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the Pot with Bill and Ben in it.


*Inserts a toy Merry-go-round*
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Old Aug 23 2017, 01:49 PM   #647
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out come the entire cast of Magic Roundabout: Brian, Dougal, Dylan, Ermintrude, Florence, Mr McHenry, and Zebedee. They all fool around till Zebedee tells them it's time for bed; whereupon the machine hoovers them back up.

*Inserts an ancient BBC test card.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 23 2017, 06:33 PM   #648
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes The Goodnight Kiwi from NZ who waxes lyrical about the days when TV used to shut down for the night and he has a job.


*Inserts a picture of a Kitten*
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Old Aug 25 2017, 02:00 PM   #649
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers Ringul.

*Inserts a 1960s fashion jacket.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 25 2017, 03:26 PM   #650
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out pops a long-haired person in a miniskirt and go go boots.

* Inserts a police whistle. *
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Old Aug 25 2017, 06:13 PM   #651
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine unloads Sr. Sgt. Tom Croydon, Chris Reilly, Sr. Det. P. J. Hasham, Const. Maggie Doyle, Sr. Const. Ben Stewart, Sr. Const. Nick Schultz, and the rest of the cast of Blue Heelers who look around rather bemused to find no cameras, and try to arrest the machine for obstructing the course of justice.

*Inserts a lamp-shade.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 25 2017, 07:15 PM   #652
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the Pixar Desk Lamp wearing it as a hat. He shakes it off and hops back into the machine


*Inserts a Cave Troll Action Figure*
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Old Aug 25 2017, 10:41 PM   #653
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Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine is confused on what to do with little cave guy. Ejects the following Note, " uh, Thanks "

Inserts a Fiddle.
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Old Aug 26 2017, 05:30 PM   #654
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine releases Tevye, Golde, Tzeitel, Hodel, Chava, Shprintze and Bielke into locale whence they run around seeking out the nearest synagogue.

*Inserts a fresnel spotlight.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 26 2017, 05:39 PM   #655
Kugai
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Standup Comedian. His routine has you in stitches


*Inserts a Medical Note*
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Old Aug 26 2017, 07:28 PM   #656
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Note has somebody else's name on it.

* Burns note and inserts matchbook *
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Old Aug 27 2017, 12:33 AM   #657
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Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine reads the matchbook cover and ejects an order form for new Checks.

Inserts a pen with no ink in it.
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Old Aug 27 2017, 02:09 PM   #658
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A nozzle protrudes from the machine and delivers a load of ink with no pen round it.

*After cleaning one's self up; inserts a foetal stethascope.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 27 2017, 08:19 PM   #659
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Congratulations P'ter, got no answer for that one
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Old Aug 27 2017, 10:48 PM   #660
Dragon Fan
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Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

picks up the stethascope, Determines that the machine is still making sounds of functionality,


Inserts a "fix anything manual" crosses fingers and hopes for the best !
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Old Aug 28 2017, 04:57 PM   #661
P'ter
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Unfortunately, the machine runs electronically not manually, so the book is not much use.

*Inserts a Bhutanese ngultrum.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 28 2017, 05:14 PM   #662
Kugai
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes this years Annual Happiness Index

*Inserts a Beachball*
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Old Aug 28 2017, 10:21 PM   #663
Sandi
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out pops a Jack Russel Terrier that runs up the street looking for another ball to devour.

* Inserts a bag of chocolate candy *
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Old Aug 29 2017, 10:36 AM   #664
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a syringe of settlement insulin.

*Inserts the finals history exam paper from the Mason University College (1898)*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 29 2017, 07:53 PM   #665
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It comes back out with a B+ mark


*Inserts a copy of Ian Flemings Biography*
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Old Aug 29 2017, 11:06 PM   #666
Sandi
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Taped on the back is a bill for a very expensive car.

* Inserts a martini, shaken, not stirred. *
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Old Aug 30 2017, 09:16 PM   #667
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

*Returns Martini and asks for a Guinness*
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Old Aug 31 2017, 06:32 PM   #668
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a large plastic toucan.

*Inserts a prototype Samsung tablet.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Aug 31 2017, 06:54 PM   #669
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Once turned on it demands to be returned to it's true Master, the Borg Queen then the Battery explodes in flames and the whole thing melts into a puddle of plastic and scorched parts.


*Reinserts congealed, cooled mess of former device*
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Old Aug 31 2017, 07:38 PM   #670
Sandi
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out pops an 8-track player screaming "Help! I need somebody....."

*Inserts a three dollar bill*
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Old Aug 31 2017, 11:09 PM   #671
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Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Receive message " unable to complete transaction, please try again"

Inserts a 3 foot section of chain
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Old Sep 1 2017, 07:37 AM   #672
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers 22 yards of chain, complete with the correct brass tags, also 4 rods and 4 poles. The latter are illegal immigrants and thus not allowed to perch here. They are subsequently bound in the chain and being beaten with the rods.

*Inserts an Abney Level.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Sep 1 2017, 07:21 PM   #673
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a workman to check that the machine is on the straight and level, then he reenters the machine


*Inserts a Leather Apron*
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Old Sep 2 2017, 08:34 AM   #674
vyon
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It comes out covered in Masonic symbols.

Inserts four Korean drums, a round one, an hour-glass shaped one and a small and large gong, including players in bright costumes.
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Old Sep 2 2017, 01:37 PM   #675
Sandi
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The drum dancers dance around the machine while you

*insert a lift ticket from dragon valley ski resort*
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Old Sep 2 2017, 08:07 PM   #676
Kugai
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a pair of Skis, Ski Poles and a woolly hat.


*Inserts an Emergency Radio Beacon*
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Old Sep 3 2017, 03:46 PM   #677
P'ter
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a note saying, "Thank you; the beacon is being retained for the next emergency."

*Inserts a piece of cardboard with "EMERGENCY!" written on it in frightening letters.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Sep 3 2017, 05:08 PM   #678
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a sign saying DON'T PANIC in large, friendly letters.


*Inserts an Electronic Thumb*
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Old Sep 4 2017, 04:14 PM   #679
P'ter
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine spits out a Vogon spaceship determined to carry out an entirely unnecessary rescue.

In order to avoid being voided by the Vogons -- *Inserts self.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Sep 4 2017, 07:09 PM   #680
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine makes an odd wheezing, groaning noise and fades away

*Replaces Machine and inserts an Electric Guitar*
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