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Exhibit Hall For the exhibition of artistic creations by our members, from poetry and prose to drawings, photography, and digital art.

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Old Feb 7 2006, 05:09 AM   #1
edith
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Default Re: Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

Feedback for Brenda's story Ghost in the Tunnels

oh-It's lovely!
very sad!

Last edited by Cheryl; Feb 17 2006 at 05:34 PM. Reason: edited to add link to original story
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Old Feb 17 2006, 02:29 PM   #2
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Default Re: Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

do you want me to delete my posts?
its getting really interesting!
more please!
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Old Feb 17 2006, 06:42 PM   #3
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It appears to have been taken care of - thanks!

I wish there was a longer window for editing!
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Old Feb 18 2006, 11:16 PM   #4
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I wrote a bunch more today it's almost finished!
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Old Feb 20 2006, 12:08 PM   #5
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That was a great ending!
And now I realize why I liked it so much - reminded me of a series of ghost stories I used to read, before I lost interest in such things. With the little ghost-child disappering at the end to rejoin her family...
Believe the series was called Haunting with Louisa.
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Old Mar 1 2006, 09:56 PM   #6
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I'm actually trying to write a bit of an epilogue, with her going to the Weyr, and maybe one last glimpse of Tabby... But I am SO GLAD I finally got her out of that tunnel!
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Old Mar 26 2006, 01:05 AM   #7
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Default Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

Well...





IT'S FINISHED!!!

Whaddaya think?
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Old Mar 30 2006, 04:14 PM   #8
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Come on, please, I added a bunch more... please read it and tell me what you think of the way I ended it? It was hard to figure out how to resolve everything!
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Old Mar 31 2006, 04:21 AM   #9
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It's lovely!
Just couldn't think what to put before!
edi
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Old Apr 11 2007, 11:53 AM   #10
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Thank you for the story. that was wonderful. I think the abandoned tunnels is a great area for more stories. Thanks again. Kitty
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Old Apr 11 2007, 06:34 PM   #11
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Glad you liked it! I got part of the idea from Dragonquest, of course - Jaxom exploring the tunnels at Ruatha, then getting lost with Felessan in Benden Weyr... I figured there are old tunnels in a lot of the Holds. But the idea that came first was of having someone, a child, see a ghost, and no one believes them until a dragon says that the fire lizard saw someone too. I think it worked out nicely.
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Old Mar 7 2008, 04:46 PM   #12
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Excellent story! And, that goes for Mirrim's vigil, news from the weyr, and Dragonsong: an alternate tune too.
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Old Mar 7 2008, 07:00 PM   #13
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Thank you!
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Old Mar 7 2008, 07:43 PM   #14
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Brenda that is awsome.
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Old Mar 7 2008, 08:13 PM   #15
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Default Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brenda View Post
I wish there was a longer window for editing!
What do we do when we can no longer edit, by chance?
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Old Mar 8 2008, 06:40 AM   #16
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This sounds like the short story written by Anne McCaffrey that was set in Moreta's time (now I'm going to have to go back and read that one now) about a dragon showing people the way to the other side. I liked the fact that there are other ways and means to show other "facets" *sorry and pardon the pun, Multi-facets* of Pern life.
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Old Mar 8 2008, 08:04 AM   #17
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Default Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brenda View Post
I wish there was a longer window for editing!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Multi-Facets View Post
What do we do when we can no longer edit, by chance?
The window for editing is about a week, because after that few people who already read a post will notice the changes -- unless posted anew.

But if you ever feel you have a good reason for editing later, just drop me a PM to explain. I can always temporarily change the limit to allow for a later edit.
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Old Mar 8 2008, 04:19 PM   #18
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Default Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

Pun forgiven, Jube.

I might do that, Ms. (Mrs?) Cheryl. Posting "Dragonchance" again feels too much like spamming to me.

So! Now for the most important part. Ms. Brenda, I liked "Ghost In The Tunnels". You have very clean spelling, grammar and punctuation; I, who's so picky about it I correct mistakes in my books, could not find anything wrong with that part.

I found it interesting how, in a way, your 'fic fits with Mrs. McCaffrey's view of how those things -where spirits go when they're gone, if there's a Heaven, yatta yatta- work on Pern. I was very happy when Relly was finally able to come back for Tabby.

Sarla was very believable, and I wanted to slap her foster mother for accusing her of lying so many times. Good lord, she was heavy-handed. Okay, so she turned out all right, but really, that's not how people should handle a possible lie when there's a kid involved.

One thing that puzzles me is Sarla being sent away just because her peers treated her differently. Isn't that a bit.... I dunno, extreme? I'm glad Sarla is finding new friends at the Weyr, but being sent there just seemed odd to me.

Still, it was a cute, diverting story. Good work, and thank you for sharing it.
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Old Mar 9 2008, 04:23 PM   #19
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Default Re: Feedback for Ghost in the Tunnels (Pern Fanfic)

I just figured since everyone in the entire Hold knew about this extremely wierd thing that happened to her, and the fuss it kicked up, and the fact that she didn't seem to have many friends to begin with... I meant for them to do it in her best interests, because she was getting pretty miserable there. A fresh start for her.

I don't even remember thinking about "Beyond Between" when I wrote it, though. :shrug:
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Old Mar 9 2008, 08:33 PM   #20
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Yeah, you have a good point there. The Weyr did turn out to be better for Sarla, then.
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