Game: The Universal Vending Machine

[P'ter]

All that comes out is a sonic boom that retreats at a rate of knots.

*Inserts a black hole*

[Kugai]

OUt cmoes V.I.N.Cent scouting ahead for the rest of his crew.

*Inserts a Physics book*

[P'ter]

The machine disgorges Nicholas Culpeper exclaiming "This looks not like Physick!"

*Inserts a mandrake root.*

[Kugai]

Out steps Dr. Strange and asks where he can get mre

*Inserts a Lightsabre*

[P'ter]

Out steps Mel Gibson waving a heavy claymore.

*Inserts a self-inflating mattress.*

[vyon]

It inflates inside the machine.

Not good.

The plastic bung is suddenly ejected at speed, followed by the shredded remains of the mattress.

Inserts an empty beer can ...

[Kugai]

Out comes a six pack of Duff Light Beer

*Inserts a barrel lf Guinness Beer*

[P'ter]

Out comes a statue of 'La Lettrice' by Pietro Magni.

*Inserts Lord Elgin.*

[Kugai]

There is a loud rumble, then a large block of Marble comes sliding out



*Inserts a Hammer and Chisel*

[P'ter]

With a loud "clang"; the machine delivers a sign reading The Mason's Arms.

* Inserts a cocktail umbrella.*

[Kugai]

Out steps a certain British Agent sipping a Mohito.


*Inserts a Walther PPK*

[P'ter]

Without any noise (the PKK has a Spectre silencer fitted) a 7.65mm bullet passes your ear. After a few seconds there's a loud crash from behind you: the bullet has gone "through a plate glass window like a brick".

*Inserts a note of complaint!*

[vyon]

A large squad of policemen come out of the machine to investigate your complaint.

Inserts the getaway car.

[Kugai]

A black BMW comes flying out of the machine driven by Frank Martin with Bond in t the back calmly doing the Times Crossword and speeds off into the night.

*Inserts a Police Pursuit Handbook*

[P'ter]

Out stalks a driving examiner, complete with clip-board, complaining that such goings on are not in compliance with the relevant sections of the Highway Code.

*Inserts a clip-board (nicked off the examiner)*

[Kugai]

Out steps an Efficiency Expert to do a Time and Motion Study

*Inserts a Management Survey*

[P'ter]

The machine extrudes a long length of paper, mainly blank. On the last few inches are the words "You can't do that there here."

*Inserts a motor-cyclists helmet.*

[Kugai]

Out comes Judge Dredd riding his Lawmaster.


*Inserts a Lawgiver*

[P'ter]

With many rumblings, the machine ejects two large tablets of stone with a series of commandments written in Hebrew.

Concerned for the machine's well-being; *inserts an entire packet of indigestion tablets.*

[Kugai]

There is a loud retching noise and suddenly you find yourself covered in a mass of cogs, wheels, machine parts and oily fluids.


*Inserts a pass to a Car Wash*

[P'ter]

The machine opens up forming a small stage: on which Rose Royce are just warming up.

*Inserts a hair dryer*

[Kugai]

Out steps Homer Simpson and his Barbershop Quartet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pURFU3pL93o


*Inserts a Nuclear Fuel Rod*

[P'ter]

The machine mutates into an X-wing starfighter and chases you down the street.

*Eventually, after it runs out of fuel, you find a suitable slot to insert a bicycle wheel.*

[vyon]

It spits out a jandal (flip-flop) a shoe and a rusty shopping trolley.

You insert the other bicycle wheel.

[Kugai]

Out comes an Aussie beach bum surfer who takes the other Jandel with a cheery "Cheers mate" and then heads back into the machine.


*Inserts a six pack of Fosters*

[P'ter]

Out prances a male dancer with no strides.

*Inserts a school timetable.*

[Kugai]

Out steps the puples of Astoria Hill looking for more copies

*Inserts aTennis Racket*

[P'ter]

The machine extrudes pair of snowshoes.

*Inserts an ice-lolly*

[Kugai]

Out rolls the Mister Whipy Van.


*Inserts a Chocolate Flake Bar*

[P'ter]

The machine delivers a chocolate sex toy.

*Inserts a Victorian Anne Askew doll, complete with rack!*

[Kugai]

Out comes a young Queen Victoria to thank you for the gift.

*Inserts a Sherlock Holmes mystery signed by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle*

[P'ter]

Out races Doctor Watson chased by the hound of the Baskervilles

*Inserts a "Winchester" stacked storage disc.*

[Kugai]

Out comes Charles Babbage wanting to know how this workds



*Inserts a Playstation One with Controllers*

[P'ter]

The machine disgorges the Disgaea characters Laharl and Etna arguing (as usual); who gradually dissipate into individual atoms.

*Inserts handbook for Sinclair Basic.*

[vyon]

Out comes a Sinclair, an Atari, and a Commodore 64.

Inserts a battered embroidered footstool.

[Kugai]

Out pops the Host of Antiques Roadshow with a Cheque for 20,000 euros for your antique Chippendale Footstool.


*Inserts a Gold Pocket Watch*

[P'ter]

Out hops the White Rabbit muttering "I'm late; I'm late."


*Inserts a leadless propelling pencil.

[Kugai]

Out comes a Battery Pack from a Nissan Leaf



*Inserts a picture of Jay Leno*

[Dragon Fan]

Out falls a note, " Defective material inserted, please try again"

Inserts a High school hall pass.

[P'ter]

The machine just makes noises: - a toilet flushing followed by a high-speed hand-dryer.

*Inserts a football-referee's yellow card.*