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Old Apr 13 2017, 02:52 PM   #401
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

All that comes out is a sonic boom that retreats at a rate of knots.

*Inserts a black hole*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 13 2017, 07:59 PM   #402
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

OUt cmoes V.I.N.Cent scouting ahead for the rest of his crew.

*Inserts a Physics book*
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Old Apr 14 2017, 05:54 AM   #403
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine disgorges Nicholas Culpeper exclaiming "This looks not like Physick!"

*Inserts a mandrake root.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 14 2017, 07:27 PM   #404
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Dr. Strange and asks where he can get mre

*Inserts a Lightsabre*
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Old Apr 15 2017, 04:38 AM   #405
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Mel Gibson waving a heavy claymore.

*Inserts a self-inflating mattress.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 15 2017, 08:22 AM   #406
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It inflates inside the machine.

Not good.

The plastic bung is suddenly ejected at speed, followed by the shredded remains of the mattress.

Inserts an empty beer can ...
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Old Apr 15 2017, 07:59 PM   #407
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a six pack of Duff Light Beer

*Inserts a barrel lf Guinness Beer*
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Old Apr 16 2017, 05:45 PM   #408
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a statue of 'La Lettrice' by Pietro Magni.

*Inserts Lord Elgin.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 16 2017, 07:46 PM   #409
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There is a loud rumble, then a large block of Marble comes sliding out



*Inserts a Hammer and Chisel*
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Old Apr 17 2017, 07:09 AM   #410
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

With a loud "clang"; the machine delivers a sign reading The Mason's Arms.

* Inserts a cocktail umbrella.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 17 2017, 08:09 PM   #411
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps a certain British Agent sipping a Mohito.


*Inserts a Walther PPK*
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Old Apr 18 2017, 03:39 AM   #412
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Without any noise (the PKK has a Spectre silencer fitted) a 7.65mm bullet passes your ear. After a few seconds there's a loud crash from behind you: the bullet has gone "through a plate glass window like a brick".

*Inserts a note of complaint!*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 18 2017, 06:33 AM   #413
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A large squad of policemen come out of the machine to investigate your complaint.

Inserts the getaway car.
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Old Apr 18 2017, 10:03 PM   #414
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A black BMW comes flying out of the machine driven by Frank Martin with Bond in t the back calmly doing the Times Crossword and speeds off into the night.

*Inserts a Police Pursuit Handbook*
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Old Apr 19 2017, 03:35 AM   #415
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out stalks a driving examiner, complete with clip-board, complaining that such goings on are not in compliance with the relevant sections of the Highway Code.

*Inserts a clip-board (nicked off the examiner)*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 19 2017, 09:41 PM   #416
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps an Efficiency Expert to do a Time and Motion Study

*Inserts a Management Survey*
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Old Apr 20 2017, 06:07 PM   #417
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine extrudes a long length of paper, mainly blank. On the last few inches are the words "You can't do that there here."

*Inserts a motor-cyclists helmet.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 20 2017, 07:37 PM   #418
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Judge Dredd riding his Lawmaster.


*Inserts a Lawgiver*
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Old Apr 21 2017, 02:51 PM   #419
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

With many rumblings, the machine ejects two large tablets of stone with a series of commandments written in Hebrew.

Concerned for the machine's well-being; *inserts an entire packet of indigestion tablets.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 21 2017, 08:33 PM   #420
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There is a loud retching noise and suddenly you find yourself covered in a mass of cogs, wheels, machine parts and oily fluids.


*Inserts a pass to a Car Wash*
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Old Apr 22 2017, 04:34 AM   #421
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine opens up forming a small stage: on which Rose Royce are just warming up.

*Inserts a hair dryer*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 22 2017, 06:50 PM   #422
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Homer Simpson and his Barbershop Quartet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pURFU3pL93o


*Inserts a Nuclear Fuel Rod*
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Old Apr 23 2017, 04:17 AM   #423
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine mutates into an X-wing starfighter and chases you down the street.

*Eventually, after it runs out of fuel, you find a suitable slot to insert a bicycle wheel.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 23 2017, 07:54 AM   #424
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It spits out a jandal (flip-flop) a shoe and a rusty shopping trolley.

You insert the other bicycle wheel.
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Old Apr 23 2017, 06:38 PM   #425
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes an Aussie beach bum surfer who takes the other Jandel with a cheery "Cheers mate" and then heads back into the machine.


*Inserts a six pack of Fosters*
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Old Apr 24 2017, 06:08 PM   #426
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out prances a male dancer with no strides.

*Inserts a school timetable.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 24 2017, 10:41 PM   #427
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps the puples of Astoria Hill looking for more copies

*Inserts aTennis Racket*
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Old Apr 25 2017, 02:55 AM   #428
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine extrudes pair of snowshoes.

*Inserts an ice-lolly*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 27 2017, 08:10 PM   #429
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out rolls the Mister Whipy Van.


*Inserts a Chocolate Flake Bar*
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Old Apr 29 2017, 09:54 AM   #430
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a chocolate sex toy.

*Inserts a Victorian Anne Askew doll, complete with rack!*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 29 2017, 10:30 PM   #431
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a young Queen Victoria to thank you for the gift.

*Inserts a Sherlock Holmes mystery signed by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle*
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Old Apr 30 2017, 04:35 AM   #432
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out races Doctor Watson chased by the hound of the Baskervilles

*Inserts a "Winchester" stacked storage disc.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 30 2017, 09:30 PM   #433
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Charles Babbage wanting to know how this workds



*Inserts a Playstation One with Controllers*
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Old May 1 2017, 02:49 AM   #434
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine disgorges the Disgaea characters Laharl and Etna arguing (as usual); who gradually dissipate into individual atoms.

*Inserts handbook for Sinclair Basic.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 1 2017, 08:51 AM   #435
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Sinclair, an Atari, and a Commodore 64.

Inserts a battered embroidered footstool.
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Old May 1 2017, 06:50 PM   #436
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out pops the Host of Antiques Roadshow with a Cheque for 20,000 euros for your antique Chippendale Footstool.


*Inserts a Gold Pocket Watch*
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Old May 2 2017, 03:16 AM   #437
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out hops the White Rabbit muttering "I'm late; I'm late."


*Inserts a leadless propelling pencil.
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 2 2017, 10:12 PM   #438
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Battery Pack from a Nissan Leaf



*Inserts a picture of Jay Leno*
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Old May 2 2017, 10:41 PM   #439
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out falls a note, " Defective material inserted, please try again"

Inserts a High school hall pass.
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Old May 3 2017, 01:59 AM   #440
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine just makes noises: - a toilet flushing followed by a high-speed hand-dryer.

*Inserts a football-referee's yellow card.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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All references to worlds and characters based on Anne McCaffrey’s fiction are copyright © Anne McCaffrey 1967-2008, all rights reserved, and used by permission of the author.