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Old May 21 2017, 08:20 PM   #481
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes The Beatles in a yellow submarine.


*Inserts an Apple*
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Old May 22 2017, 05:14 PM   #482
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine returns the Khor.

*Inserts a pip.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old May 22 2017, 11:46 PM   #483
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Captain Janeway who thanks you for returning it, she'd been looking everywhere for it.


*Inserts a Seven of Nine Action Figure*
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Old May 23 2017, 09:33 PM   #484
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Borg cube

" inserts a set of children's building blocks "
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Old May 24 2017, 07:57 PM   #485
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine returns child built of building blocks.

*Inserts the remains of a Meccano set.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 25 2017, 10:14 PM   #486
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There are various construction type noises, then James May steps out and hands you a fully restored Mecano Crane.


*Inserts a Rolls Royce Hood Ornament*
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Old May 26 2017, 03:19 AM   #487
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Eleanor Velasco Thornton, complete with fluttering robes.

*Inserts a half-used burger-bun.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 26 2017, 08:43 PM   #488
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Ronald McDonald and hands you a Doubledown Burger with firs and a coke

*Inserts a bag of Ice*
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Old May 27 2017, 02:17 AM   #489
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

After the machine extrudes a tongue of said frozen water, me lud, an ice sculpture of Rodin's The Thinker, seated on a toilet, glides out.

*Inserts half a pair of roller blades.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 27 2017, 06:50 PM   #490
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Scooter


*Inserts a yellow brick*
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Old May 27 2017, 11:03 PM   #491
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a scale model of the City of Oz.

" Inserts a flat tire "
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Old May 28 2017, 03:25 AM   #492
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers an exhaust pipe with a hole in the silencer.

*Insets a plastic £5 note.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 28 2017, 08:49 AM   #493
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

You get $4.95 in change in plastic coins. (Sorry, my computer does not appear to have a pound sign)

Inserts three rubber ducks
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Old May 28 2017, 05:25 PM   #494
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Hewy, Dewy and Louie being chased by an annoyed Uncle


*Inserts a set of Bagpipes*
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Old May 28 2017, 08:32 PM   #495
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a memo, in quadruplicate, from the Ministry of Defense complaining that they have enough drones already, and yours are the wrong type of drones.

*Inserts a banana split.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 29 2017, 03:14 PM   #496
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out slip a prescription for Diabetes meds.

" inserts a broken car horn "
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Old May 29 2017, 03:57 PM   #497
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out rolls the car with the crumpled horn, which squashes the dog that was chasing the cat, which was killing the rat (all covered in fleas) That lived in the house that's Jack's lease.


*Inserts a fidget spinner*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)

Last edited by P'ter; May 30 2017 at 05:29 PM.
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Old May 29 2017, 07:49 PM   #498
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Drone Helicopter

*Inserts a pair of Night Vision Goggles*
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Old May 30 2017, 05:37 PM   #499
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a night-raiding fox
Wearing the night-vision goggles
And two pairs of thermal socks
Held on with a series of toggles.

*Inserts a thesaurus.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 30 2017, 10:53 PM   #500
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Dina from DoA to thank you for the new Dinosaur book,


*Inserts a Rimshot soundbite*
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Old May 31 2017, 06:49 PM   #501
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out marches the drummers of the Royal Marine Central Band firing off rolls, flams, and fancy stick wavings.

*Inserts just one square of milk chocolate.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 31 2017, 08:55 PM   #502
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out flops a woman screaming " One square of chocolate is not enough"

" Reinserts the screaming woman"
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Old May 31 2017, 08:59 PM   #503
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a 1kg bar of Milk Chocolate

Inserts a pair of Ear Protectors*
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Old Jun 1 2017, 06:01 PM   #504
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

What appear to be the ear-protectors are returned. On donning them you find that they've swapped for a pair of cordless headphones playing Meatloaf at full blast.

*Inserts an occupied hamster ball.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 1 2017, 08:47 PM   #505
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine suddenly goes into overdrive and vanshes in a bright light and a loud pop


*Replaces machine and inserts a Warp Core*
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Old Jun 1 2017, 11:32 PM   #506
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out falls a Scotty Star Trek figurine.

" Inserts a Garden hose"
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Old Jun 2 2017, 05:54 AM   #507
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

After a sepulchral voice intones "let us spray"; the machine sends a large jet of water into the air soaking everybody within 20 metres.

*Inserts a South African Rand.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 2 2017, 10:45 PM   #508
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine disgorges a life sized Nelson Mandela doll

*Inserts a picture of Mohandis K. Ghandi*
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Old Jun 3 2017, 06:35 PM   #509
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a pair of sandals and a begging bowl.

*Inserts a dhoti.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 3 2017, 08:22 PM   #510
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Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Misunderstanding the name, I launder, dry and iron the Dhoti and return it to the machine in a vacuum sealed bag.


*Inserts Babel Fish in a jar*
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Old Jun 4 2017, 06:06 PM   #511
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a card bearing the answer to the ultimate question; unfortunately it is only correct if you are a mouse working in number base fifteen-and-a-quarter.

*Inserts a stroppy teenager.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 4 2017, 09:40 PM   #512
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Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There are some odd noises then a soft 'THUMP' and said teenager comes flying out on the end of a size twelve Doc Martin boot.


*Inserts a bucket of cold water*
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Old Jun 5 2017, 10:09 AM   #513
vyon
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It follows the teenager.

re-inserts the Doc Martin boot
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Old Jun 5 2017, 03:07 PM   #514
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the ghost of Pope John-Paul saying, "Why ees zeez Doc Martins not white how I like zem?"

*Inserts a voucher for a free Linguaphone course in Italian.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 5 2017, 11:28 PM   #515
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the course manager to make you an offer you can't refuse




*Inserts a Mandolin*
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Old Jun 6 2017, 04:48 AM   #516
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Pelagia Iannis stalks out and complains that you are not Antonio.

*Inserts an alarm clock.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 6 2017, 11:25 PM   #517
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There is the sound of banging and smashing, then the clock emerges - on pieces.



*Inserts a Clock Radio*
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Old Jun 7 2017, 05:11 PM   #518
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine treats in exactly the same way.

*Inserts a bicycle chain.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Jun 7 2017, 09:09 PM   #519
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the missing link............of chain.

"inserts a bowl of vegetable soup"
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Old Jun 8 2017, 05:53 PM   #520
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

You are very lucky: the machine delivers a trolley with the other 5 courses of the meal. (Plus the bill for $199.95 + 14% sales tax, 17.5% V.A.T. AND 10% compulsory staff tip. Total = $282.93)

*Inserts a Tibetan Srang*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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