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Old Feb 28 2007, 05:25 PM   #161
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I am fighting a deep deep depression concerning Rod and our situation. On the brighter note, our mechanic finally sold Rod's car and I was able to pay rent and groceries without having to ask my dad for more help.

Last Sunday, I was going through the garage with our mechanic. He is going to go through Rod's excess computer stuff (we only got to half of it) and sell what can be sold and e-waste what is e-waste for me. We will work on it again next month. He said once a month til finished. Anyhow, as we went through it, I felt myself slipping. I need to do this, but it hurts, then I am angry, then I feel such a betrayal I wonder if I will ever trust him again, then I am angry at the system that is making this whole horrible situation worse while saying they want to "protect our children." It is an emotional and mental heartache that I have no choice but to do.
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Old Feb 28 2007, 05:45 PM   #162
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlady View Post
I am fighting a deep deep depression concerning Rod and our situation. On the brighter note, our mechanic finally sold Rod's car and I was able to pay rent and groceries without having to ask my dad for more help.

Last Sunday, I was going through the garage with our mechanic. He is going to go through Rod's excess computer stuff (we only got to half of it) and sell what can be sold and e-waste what is e-waste for me. We will work on it again next month. He said once a month til finished. Anyhow, as we went through it, I felt myself slipping. I need to do this, but it hurts, then I am angry, then I feel such a betrayal I wonder if I will ever trust him again, then I am angry at the system that is making this whole horrible situation worse while saying they want to "protect our children." It is an emotional and mental heartache that I have no choice but to do.


you know, I haven't a clue what to say...

only thing I can think of is to send you a zen hug.

Just keep fighting and know that we are all here!

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Old Mar 1 2007, 02:00 AM   #163
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I saw an article the other day about the doctor who triggered the Cleveland (UK) child abuse scandal. She diagnosed over 157 children abused in about three months. She even claimed that the anal reflex is 100% accurate, even in girls! Not even in one case was she actually right. All those families were left scarred for life thanks to her. She even accused some of the foster parents of continuing the abuse.

She's still in medical practice in another county!
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Old Mar 4 2007, 11:50 PM   #164
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Thank you P'ter and Edith. I hope our country wakes up soon or there will be no freedoms left and people will be wondering what happen to our children.

Rod is having a hard time in jail. He is fighting a deep depression over the injustice of his possible sentence. He could have committed murder and walked away with a not guilty with the amount of evidence the prosecution has, but because of the nature of the case the prosecution is allowed to go on a "witch hunt" and give him a harsher sentence then a man/women found guilty of pre-meditated murder. Our system is so upside down. I feel like our justice system is a joke.

Thanks to the system, I feel guilty whenever I snap at Rod because of my emotions. He does not make me feel guilty, but the system is being so unjust that I feel guilty for adding to his misery when I lose it. I have all these emotions inside and I have no right to a resolution thanks to our system.

Ds#2 had his first T-ball game yesterday at 2 P.M. His team is the Cougers. They have only had two team practices and never with the whole team due to rain, etc. The majority of his teammates are first timers like him; however, they played good. They lost, but the team they were playing had been together the whole 4 years of T-Ball. It was so cute watching them. Ds#2 hit the ball each time at bat, but had to be reminded to run to base.

On the upside, my sister came to visit and went to our Purim Carnival with the boys and us. We all had a great time.
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Old Mar 5 2007, 11:56 AM   #165
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Don't feel guilty! Remember that its not your fault!

I'm glad Ds#2 had a good time yesterday!
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Old Mar 7 2007, 07:48 PM   #166
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Thank you edith. Here is the latest:

Today was another pre-trial. It will be continued to next week. I can't take it anymore. My mom is talking to Rod on the phone because I just can't do it. I know he is remorseful, I know the system is overreacting, but I can hold in my anger over his and his accusers deceptions for so long. I was so close to saying things that cannot be said over the phone, I stopped. He keeps asking my mom if I am ready to talk and she is telling him "no, not today." I am thankful for her doing it.

After the pre-trial, my mom and I went to the Pasadena Child Development Center to meet with the OT who will be testing ds#1 social skills (or lack of for him). It was a two hour meeting that went very good. She will test ds#1 next Monday at 2 P.M.

The behavioral specialist should start coming to the house to work with us and ds#1 on behaviorial interventions for when he loses it next week.

Ds#2 has his second T-Ball game tonight.
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Old Mar 8 2007, 05:08 AM   #167
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good luck for ds#1 and #2!
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Old Mar 8 2007, 05:46 AM   #168
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dena}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Lighting candles for you, your boys and your mom....
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Old Mar 15 2007, 01:30 AM   #169
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Thank you Edith and Ann Marie.

The D.A. refused to shorten Rod's time in the plea bargain. He received 8 years and has to serve 85% of it. If he had murdered someone, he could have received a shorter sentence and served 50% or less. They know he is not a sex offender. His mistake sleeping with a 16 year old that proposition him then being stupid enough to admit it on a recorded phone call that he did not know was recorded. You can use entrapment in these cases but not murder cases. The D.A. knows it was consenual but in our state, a 16 does not have the right of consent. I am not justifying what Rod did, but I think something is wrong when a non-violent, will not re-commit (the other time was not planned by him at all, he just gave in - stupid man), full of remorse (he was crying along with us thoughout the proceedings) person receives more time then a cold blooded murder with no remorse.

I have to tell my boys tomorrow so they can have one last chance to see his dad before the sentencing. After sentencing, it will be 6 or more months before we even hear from him much less get to see him. I will be talking with ds#1 with his counselor tomorrow. I am worried about him. He does not feel like living if dad cannot come home. I don't know what to expect from ds#2 he is like his mom and keeps stuff inside. I actually need to talk to ds#2's counselor because I get the feeling that my mom is cooping his sessions. She takes him because he goes at 2:45 on Mondays and I don't get home from work til 3:15 or later.

I am currently numb because if I think too much about it, I lose it. There is no stoping the tears, pain, heartache.
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Old Mar 15 2007, 03:31 AM   #170
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OH Dena! just can't think of anything to say that would help, just that I continue to think of you and your family each day

I do hope the counsellors can help the boys to come to terms with this, and yourself too.
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Old Mar 15 2007, 07:48 AM   #171
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*Hugs*
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Old Mar 15 2007, 09:22 AM   #172
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((((((((Dena))))))))

My heart aches for you. Keep taking it one day at a time, and know that you have many people praying for you and your family.
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Old Mar 15 2007, 11:44 AM   #173
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{{{{{{{Dena}}}}}}}
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Old Mar 15 2007, 03:39 PM   #174
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Your strength throughout this ordeal never ceases to amaze me. Stay strong and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old Mar 15 2007, 03:57 PM   #175
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Thet's harsh!

remember that we're all here! Even if we can't be with you in person!

If you ever need anyone to talk to- even if its only by email, pm me!
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Old Mar 15 2007, 04:58 PM   #176
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I too cannot think of anything helpful to say. But you and your family are deep in my thoughts. And yes I agree it is highly unfair.
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Old Mar 15 2007, 05:45 PM   #177
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[[[[[[[Dena]]]]]]]

I won't say anything else because my thoughts are unprintable Hang on in there, you're a wonderful lady dealt a rotten hand, but you CAN cope with this, you're strong and you deserve so much better.
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Old Mar 16 2007, 04:14 PM   #178
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I wish there is something I could do but all I can do you send lot of and keep you and your family in my prayers
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Old Mar 17 2007, 06:07 AM   #179
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{{{{{{{{{{{{Dena}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Gods, sweetie.... Like Aneli, I don't dare type what's going through my head....
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Old Mar 19 2007, 01:02 AM   #180
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Thank you everyone. I am still fighting a deep depression over this. I may have said it before, but I feel like there is a knife in my gut and it just keeps twisting. So if I seem quiet, it is because it hurts so much that I have scrubbed the house so I don't have to think.
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Old Mar 25 2007, 12:49 AM   #181
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Update:

Ds#2 played T-ball this morning while ds#1 and I went to our Sh'ma (Shabbat Morning Adventure) service at Temple. I am glad I was able to go with him alone. He actually set through most of the Torah service. Afterwards I picked up ds#2 from his team mates house and we all went to our Cantors house for an afternoon of badmitten, canasta, and visiting.

I came home, feed the boys, and got them ready for bed. All the time, my mom was bitching. Here we left her home by herself most of the day to rest and do what she wants and she starts complaining when we come home because she is unable to finish her third movie (dvds) due to the noise from dinnner and such. I wanted to say "sorry, I forgot life revolves around you." Oh and she announced that she had another letter for me to write up as soon as the boys were in bed.

I have a feeling that I will have to go out or wait til everyone is in bed to study. I start school on Monday.
-----------------------------

As a way of directing my emotional energy in another way I am doing "Walk Now" a 5K walk in LA that raises money for Autism research. If any of you would like to donate, pm me and I will pm the link back to my "Walk Now" page. Thanks.
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Old Mar 26 2007, 09:37 AM   #182
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I'll see if i can-I'm in a different country.
Are you studying at home? Or will there be a library or something you could use?
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Old Mar 27 2007, 02:55 AM   #183
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edith, I am going to try to study at home first but if that does not work then I will be heading to the local coffee shop.

Tonight was my first class. It is going to be great, but it is going to be a lot of work too.

I came home to Rod on the phone and basically had to tell him that nothing is guarenteed because he kept pushing that together we can work this out. I don't know if he understood how confused I am and I cannot even tell him because the calls are recorded.

Then my mom starts in on me about Rod.

P.S. I was tired I wrote the "calls are confused" instead of recorded. LOL

Mon and Tuesday night are going to be rough. I love my classes but they are going to stretch me and my time. On those days, if I work I will be gone from 7:30 A.M. til 9:10 P.M.
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Old Mar 27 2007, 11:03 AM   #184
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{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}
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Old Mar 27 2007, 01:14 PM   #185
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I agree {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}

Just keep doing what you BELIEVE to be right!
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Old Mar 31 2007, 12:19 AM   #186
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Thanks for the hugs SuzyQ & Pam.

I survived my first week as a student, teacher, single mother, etc; however, I was so exhausted today that I wanted to lean against my one-on-one aide for one of my students. Friday's assignment is the same. The teacher I sub for on Friday, assess future pre-school inclusion students. I love this job. It keeps me from taking any assignment longer than 4 days, but it is worth it. Anyhow, I have got to know all the aides; however, I do not know Justin enough to say "I need a hug. Will you hold me?" Even so, that is what I wanted to say. I think I was a little deprived.

This is going to be one exhausting 10 weeks. School, all of ds#1's appointments, counseling, etc. Things with my mom is up and down in that she does not see how she pushes me at times, but she tries. She cleaned the whole house last today. It was very sweet of her.
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Old Mar 31 2007, 12:37 AM   #187
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Just keep taking one day at a time and rember that you can always "lean" or at least unload on us
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Old Mar 31 2007, 07:05 AM   #188
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At least something is going sort of right for you!

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Old Mar 31 2007, 10:44 AM   #189
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Good luck on getting through the weeks to come!
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Old Apr 1 2007, 05:07 AM   #190
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You have friends all round the world, so any time of the day or night there will be someone who is thinking of you.

Wish we could send as much energy to you as we are giving in supporting and positive thought
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Old Apr 4 2007, 02:37 AM   #191
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Thank you for your support and friendship. It means the world to me.

Rod is sentenced tomorrow.
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Old Apr 4 2007, 07:16 AM   #192
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good luck with that!
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Old Apr 4 2007, 09:21 AM   #193
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(((((((((((((((((Dena))))))))))))))))))
A hug for extra strength for tomorrow.
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Old Apr 4 2007, 09:23 AM   #194
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A difficult day. I'll be thinking of you.
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Old Apr 4 2007, 01:35 PM   #195
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Sending good thoughts your way
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Old Apr 4 2007, 03:46 PM   #196
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Good thoughts coming your way. At least after today you can start the journey forward instead of this continuing waiting game.
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Old Apr 4 2007, 05:09 PM   #197
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My heart goes out to you. :hugs:
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Old Apr 4 2007, 08:52 PM   #198
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Thanks everyone.

It was a Kangaroo Court. I am too emotionally depleted to go on.
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Old Apr 5 2007, 06:17 AM   #199
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*Hugs*
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Old Apr 5 2007, 09:04 AM   #200
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(((((((((((((Dena))))))))))))))
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Collecting Highlight (31) - A very special edition of Pegasus in Space Hans Collecting Highlights Archives 7 Oct 19 2006 08:45 PM
A message for a special heart! ghyle Café Archives 6 May 26 2005 02:11 PM


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