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Old Nov 1 2006, 05:09 PM   #41
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Some years ago I met an Air Force family (I was teaching the boys to swim). He had been posted in NE England. While they were there their second son was born. He had an imperforate anus and therefore needed to be operated on fairly quickly.

After that variety of op, one of the problems is keeping the anus open. the usual method in England is to use a slender stainless steel cone, and every time you change a nappy you use the cone. The hospital staff taught the wife how to do the treatment and the baby was discharged home.

One day she was changing her son and doing his treatment (which she did not exactly enjoy) when the window cleaner climbed up his ladder and saw her doing it. He descended very quickly, ran away and never went back for his ladders. He also phoned the police. Within minutes they were arrested in front of the kids, the kids were taken into care.

The police wouldn't believe their story about medical treatment, and the surgeon was on a golfing holiday in Teneriffe. Some days later the chap's Commanding Officer managed to pull strings and got the Consulate on Teneriffe to locate the surgeon who, of course, backed their story. So they were released.

The children, however, were a different story. Social Services refused to release them and refused to divulge their whereabouts. They only found them because three weeks later, without the dilatation treatment, the younger son landed back in hospital for another operation, and the surgeon, against the wishes of the Social Workers, let on.

They won a court order that the children should be returned to them. Social Services refused and appealed the court decision. It took an Appeal Court ruling to force Social Services to hand the children back.

In the meantime, of course, the neighbours all talked, and mud sticks. Despite having the police decide that there was no case to forward to the Crown Prosecution Service, things got so nasty in the neighbourhood that the Airman went to his C.O. and asked for the first posting away. He was willing to take a demotion or a change back from his speciality to general duties to get away.

I meet them about three years later and the boys still weren't over it.

Could they sue Social Services? Could they heck!
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Old Nov 1 2006, 09:13 PM   #42
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P'ter,

That is why I want to work towards having a bill passed in congress that holds police and social services accountable for how they treat children.

I have been giving a some resources to help me both legal against our police and eventually working towards the bill.

Ds#1 is improving since the confession, but we find evenings the hardest. Keep us in our thoughts that my husband comes home within a month if possible.
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Old Nov 2 2006, 01:11 PM   #43
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Dena, I have even told my husband the story, about your family's terrible recent problems and happenings. We are both keeping you in our thoughts, hoping that very soon it will all be over for you and your family.

Then you and your husband can start to make progress towards your most important concerns that of making sure your sons can get their precious young lives back to some place close to where they should be.... Without all the nighmares !!! Hold on Dena, soon your husband will be home with you again, safe...try not to loose heart. We are all here for you
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Old Nov 3 2006, 12:42 AM   #44
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Thanks Lady Maelin. I am doing my best to not lose hope. I may know more tomorrow. If I do, then I will update.

The meds seem to be helping ds#1, but he is still scared that the police will come back and take more away...he even thinks they will take him away. I keep reassuring him that that won't happen and even if they tried I would not let them. I have contacted the "Alliance for Children's Rights" about this.
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Old Nov 3 2006, 07:28 AM   #45
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DragonLady...I have a suggestion you may not like, but please talk it over with ds#1's councilor....

NOT all cops are bad. From this experience, your son may feel none of them are to be trusted, and I would hate to see that happen. Introduce him to officers NOT involved with his father's case, so he learns not to hold all uniforms in fear and hatred.

Sad fact every force seems to have some heavy-handed jerks. But they really aren't all, or even mostly, like that.
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Old Nov 3 2006, 04:52 PM   #46
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Thank you Ann Marie.

The boys uncle (my sister in law's husband) is a reserved police officer with a different police department. In time, we will use that to help him understand because he loves his uncle. Thanks again.
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Old Nov 3 2006, 05:43 PM   #47
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Dena, I've just read this thread in sheer disbelief at how this could have happened It sounds like something out of a horror story You're doing a fantastic job of keeping things together, you're a real star I know I can't do anything practical to help from Europe but you and your family are in my thoughts.
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Old Nov 4 2006, 01:20 AM   #48
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Thank you Anneli.
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Old Nov 4 2006, 07:55 PM   #49
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I just received a letter from the school district letting me know that I am able to take the examination on Wed, Nov 15th at 8:30 A.M. (Pacific) for the position. As long as I receive a 70% or higher, then I will be able to interview for the job. The examimation is written and oral to test my communication and interpersonal skills. Wish me luck. This job would be great for our situation.
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Old Nov 4 2006, 09:06 PM   #50
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Dena, good luck and good wishes!! I will be thinking of you on that date!!
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Old Nov 5 2006, 01:41 PM   #51
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I hope all goes well at the examination
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Old Nov 5 2006, 04:53 PM   #52
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*makes note in diary to hold thumbs for Dena on 15 November* Good Luck
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Old Nov 8 2006, 03:15 PM   #53
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Update on our "nightmare" -- the delays in the legal case continue. The corrruption and power games played by our police and court system is horrendous. Over two months into this nightmare and both the prosecutor and my husband's lawyer have not received "full disclosure" so another postponment occured. We will be back in court in December. Our lives continue to hang in limbo.

I am in pain, but I will survive and I will fight for change. Along with finding a job and supporting my children and I until our family is back together.
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Old Nov 8 2006, 04:44 PM   #54
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I will keep you in my thought Dragonlady. Keep strong.
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Old Nov 10 2006, 06:39 PM   #55
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Thank you Clamball.

Here is an update on ds#1:
Please continue to keep ds#1 in your thoughts, chants, and prayers. The medication is helping somewhat, but he still is not talking much, and his self destructive behavior is happening more at school then at home now. His teacher and I talked today and she will be talking with his counselor and psychiatrist so we can work together to help him through this. He needs to start talking, so we need thoughts that he will open up to one of us soon. This keeping it in is hurting him.
He is talking to his dad right now and told him that he secretly cries at night because he is not home.
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Old Nov 11 2006, 06:45 AM   #56
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Forgive me if this has been explained earlier, but I gather you mean one of your kids, your son with "ds#1" but why such a code and not a name, or just "my son"? It's so... clinical/detached?

As for the rest, I'll be thinking bright thoughts!
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Old Nov 11 2006, 08:32 AM   #57
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Hans - DS = dear son. DD would be dear daughter, DH dear husband, and the numbers of course denote which son/daughter (hopefully no numbers on DH!). It's an easy usage to fall into when you don't wish to use real names, but want to distinguish children (as Dragonlady has two sons and 'my son' doesn't indicate which one).
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Old Nov 11 2006, 11:30 AM   #58
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Ah thanks for explaining, Then I'll have losts of DF



(edit: irritating spelling mistake)
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Old Nov 11 2006, 05:43 PM   #59
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Dena, I am still hoping that the medication will work with ds#1. I hope that his behavior at shool won't cause them to suspend him..or other types of disipline to happen to him. I think I agree with AnnMarie about the policeman, and letting your son see that they are good people with a few that aren't good as in the rest of life.

I am hopeing that you pass your test with flying colors, and the verbal part you should score really great on, as you have a very pleasant manner in person, and communicate your thoughts very well...on top of that you have a very lovely smile that is sure to get you the job..I will send possitive thoughts your way each and every day until this nightmare is over for you and your family is all back together again safe and happy.


OH just a note, say hello to your Mother for me.. ..and tell her she is also in my thoughts
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Old Nov 12 2006, 01:03 AM   #60
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Thanks Cheryl for the explanation.

Thank you Lady Maelin for the encouragement and prayers. I will be talking to ds#1's psychiatrist on Monday because his meds may be giving him insomina. The last few days it has become very difficult to get him to go to bed or stay in bed when he use to go to bed and fall asleep quickly. I hope it is not the meds because then we will have to start over with different ones and it takes about a month to get completely into the system.

His school will not suspend him about this... they are being very supportive and acting on what we know even before we have an updated IEP (Individual Education Plan). It is just painful to watch my son going through this and not be able to do anything to stop it immediately. It is also emotionally and physically exhausting when he loses it.

Ds#2 is keeping it inside, not talking, not acting out. I have him in counseling and hope that as he develops a relationship with his counselor that he will open up because I know it it affecting him just from the little he says. He and ds#1 were playing and ds#1 said "I miss daddy" and he said "I miss him too." Also, whenever he talks to his dad on the phone (he wants to) but you here his voice go down and he becomes very sad.

I am surviving, but there are days that it hurts so much I feel like I am going to burst.
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Old Nov 12 2006, 01:34 PM   #61
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Dena, You are one of the stongest young women that I have met in a very long time. You have done so much for your family already, and I know that you will continue to do whatever is needed to ensure their saftey and happiness. Take a hold of your boys and hold them tight whenever you feel the pain start to wash over you. You will find all the strength to survive your pain in that closeness.
Remember you are not alone...you are in so many of our thoughts each and every day.
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Old Nov 12 2006, 01:40 PM   #62
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bedtime story? Or is he too old for them?
Even an audio book might do if you haven't got the time to read it to him!
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Old Nov 12 2006, 07:09 PM   #63
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Thank you Lady Maelin. I hug them whenever they let me.

Edith, we have tons of audio books because that was what we listen to on long trips. Since this "nightmare" began he has been listening to the Harry Potter books in order over and over, while eating, playing, etc. I just let him because I think he finds comfort in it. As a matter fact he passed all the reading tests on Harry Potter with 100% at his school library. He is the first 3rd grader to do that. We also read together whenever he wants to. Books are loved in our house.

Update on me:
Wednesday is my exam for the Library Technician position at our school district. I have decided that whether I get the job or not, that I will go for my masters in Library Science. With that degree, I can apply to public and university libraries and they pay good. Even so I would love the job because it would give me experience, provide security for my boys, and give us the same days off.

My mom continues to be a support for us, but ds#1 is going through a major rebellion phase with her. I think it relates to what he said this morning. "I wish you were gone grandma and dad was here instead." We both looked at him and said, "So do we." Grandma went on to say when he would listen that she would rather be a grandma who visits and does special things together and have his dad home where he belongs. As hard as it is hopefully he will accept grandma here as a "parent" soon.

Thank you again. Your prayers, thoughts, chants bring me strength and remind me that I am not alone in this.
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Old Nov 12 2006, 10:43 PM   #64
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Before you go switching meds DL go to the grocery/drugstore anywhere they sell vitamans dietary supplements.

Get some Melatonian.

It's an over the counter dietary supplement,melatonion is a natural body produced thing.

My daughter Kayleigh has ADHD and one of her meds at one time caused horrible insomnia. The nurse recommended it after I called begging for help.She took it and it worked like a charm.

Worth a shot,certainly could ask the nurse etc.
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Old Nov 13 2006, 11:28 AM   #65
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Dena, I will be thinking of you on Wednesday when you are taking your exam. Try not to get too stressed before taking your exam, just remember to breathe, relax and try to stay focused.
I hope that your son will soon realize that your Mother is only there because she loves you all so much. Being a grandmother myself, I don't think there is anything I wouldn't do to help my family as is obvious with your Mother being there she feels the same. The pain that your Mother must be feeling while watching her daughter and grandchildren going through such a hedious nightmare, it beyond my imaginings. My heart reaches out to her, and all of your family. Is there any news yet from the lawyers yet on a time when your husband might be released?
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Old Nov 13 2006, 04:19 PM   #66
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DL, keeping you in my thoughts and hoping things will get straightened out soon!!
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Old Nov 13 2006, 11:53 PM   #67
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Lady Maelin,
The lawyers cannot give us any idea until they receive "full disclosure" and we finally have a pre-trial. Thank you for your kind words and support. I will pass it on to my mom after the boys are asleep.

Thank you everyone for your support. There are nights when I feel so much pain and I come in here and your words ease my burden. Thanks again.
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Old Nov 14 2006, 05:42 AM   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonlady View Post
The lawyers cannot give us any idea until they receive "full disclosure" and we finally have a pre-trial. Thank you for your kind words and support. I will pass it on to my mom after the boys are asleep.

Thank you everyone for your support. There are nights when I feel so much pain and I come in here and your words ease my burden. Thanks again.
Dena - hope his lawyer is able to get the information he needs soon and you get no more delays

Thinking of you and the family all the time. HUGS

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Old Nov 14 2006, 05:57 PM   #69
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[[[[[Dena]]]]]

You hang in there, I wish I could do or say something to help
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Old Nov 15 2006, 05:03 PM   #70
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Here is the update:

I finished the exam and will know by the 27th whether I passed or not. Once I passed (hopefully), then I will take the second part with is the oral interview test. I have to pass both to even go on the list for the job. The Oral interview part will be Dec 1st.

Ds#1 is being passive agressive with grandma. Any ideas are welcome. Thanks again.
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Old Nov 16 2006, 08:42 AM   #71
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You are proving to be an amazingly strong woman Dena. Keep hanging in there. I'm still praying for a good and speedy resolution to the nightmare, and for the library job too.
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Old Nov 18 2006, 07:50 PM   #72
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Thank you Cheryl.

Here is our latest adventure in chaos.
DS#2 and I went to Urgent Care last night after he got kicked in the private area. His penis was swollen and sore. After waiting three hours, we found out the doc could not fully check him out so he sent us to the nearest ER with a pediatic unit.
We sat at the ER for another two hours, then saw the doc. He had to urinate so bad but was afraid because it stung that he held it until he could not anymore. We did get the urine sample but he sprayed the bathroom too because it hurt so much.
We left with an ointment to numb his penis so it does not hurt when he urinates and directions to come back immediately if there is any blood in his urine. Also, on Monday I call our doctor for a follow up. My poor baby.
We did not return back home til after 6 A.M. today. I had a half an hour nap on the ER table with him while waiting for the release papers.

My mom went with ds#1 to his soccer game at 8 A.M. They won so they continue in the playoffs and soccer continues. I am ready for it to end, but I am happy for the kids.

Ds#2 and I slept til noon. We are now all up. I am updating and the boys are watching Disney channel.

Ds#2 just urinated in the shower under warm water after I used the numbing jell and he was so happy because it did not hurt. It felt normal like before he got kicked. He was even able to urinate straight.

I did not pass the Library exam. I received the letter today. I had a 65, but at least I know how to study when they offer it again.
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Old Nov 19 2006, 06:34 PM   #73
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I'm sorry to hear about your test. It's always hard to know how to prepare for something like that and I know you've had a lot of other things on your mind as well. Do you know how and by whom your son was kicked? It is a shame he has to deal with something like that on top of everything else. Thanks for keeping us updated. I'm glad he's feeling better now and I hope that things improve for your family soon.
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Old Nov 19 2006, 07:32 PM   #74
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Sandi, it was accidental. The kids were playing at Synagogue after services. DS#2 is doing better, but he urinates in the shower with warm water running after I put the numbing gel on that way it does not hurt. He will probably be urinating that way for a couple days.

DS#1 soccer team won their play off game so we will be playing again in two weeks. We will continue to play until they lose a game. It is good for their self-esteem to win, but I am so ready for soccer to be over. They have a great coach who has always emphasized that we play soccer for the love of it, but they did not win a lot of games during the season so it was good for them.

I am holding it together. Thanks for your sympathy. I look at it as a good experience for the next time they have the exam. I will know to go to my library and memorize where books are placed according to the Dewey Decimal system the day before.
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Old Nov 20 2006, 02:25 PM   #75
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Dena, I am so very sorry to hear about the accident with D#2. That has got to so hard on him as a child and you as his Mom, to deal with along with your other painful family problems. It just has to get better for all of you soon.
It's hard on you too not to have pased your library exam, but like Sandi said with all that you have been going trough I am surprised that you were able to concentrate at all during the exam. You will do much better the next time I am sure...especially knowing now what you need to study up on.
I don't know what to say that will help your Mother, other than hang in there lady, and just love them like you have been. Maybe you are getting in there a little bit and that is why he is trying to put her off and away from him. I will keep you in my thoughts for things to start to go better for you.
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Old Nov 20 2006, 02:45 PM   #76
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Dena: if at all possible go round the library as soon as possible and ask if they have a layout plan of the place. They should have one for checking that the books are in the right places. If for some reason they haven't got one, offer to do them one. It only has to be diagramatic (not a sclaed architect's drawing). That way you'll really know the place (and you'll have provided them with a useful service).

Sneaky one!

When application time comes round again they'll know who you are, and the fact that you've shown that you're willing to research something will stand you in good stead.
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Old Nov 26 2006, 12:08 AM   #77
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Thanksgiving at my mom's with my step dad, half sister and her fiance was nice. The boys had a great time. We met with my cousin, her hubby and their son twice -- her son is 3 months younger than ds#2 but as tall as ds#1 -- the boys love getting together and my cousin is awesome. The boys also went swimming in the pool in grandma's complex twice. Finally, the mom and I saw Happy Feet with the boys. We all liked it. However, it is good to be home.

The last few days have been depressing concerning Rod and the situation. I seem to go back and forth. I still love him, but there are times I want to tell him I am done. The children and I are starting over, but that is not right to the boys or even me.

The boys love their dad and want him back. I love Rod, but it hurts so bad at times I wonder if I can forgive yet if I don't forgive I will become bitter. The good and bad part of this is that I have at least a year before I have to make a decision.

Soon we will be living on my substitute salary plus what every aide I am able to receive. I should be able to keep Rod's job open until January, but will know for sure sometime next week.

On Monday night, I go to UCLA for the information meeting about going for my Masters in Library Science.
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Old Nov 26 2006, 02:02 AM   #78
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Good Luck Dena, the decissions that you are going to be making in the coming year are going to be some of the most difficult one for a marriage. Try to get some advice from a marriage councelor before doing anything drastic.

Glad to hear that Thanksgiving was a good one for all of you.
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Old Nov 27 2006, 01:37 AM   #79
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Thank you Lady Maelin. I will not make any decisions until I have talked with my counselor and a marriage counselor too. I will not make a hasty decision that I will regret. My emotions are going up and down which I am careful to not let me do something hasty.

Update on me: I had an argument with Rod on the phone. He does not get to call often, the calls are recorded and this one had to be an argument. I wish it had not had to happen, but he was not hearing me when I was trying to say it nice. His older brother loves to stir trouble up and dislikes me. He has dislike me since he met me. Rod knows that and has always stood up for me even to his mom who believes that Rod's older brother can do no wrong. When Rod was first arrested he called his sister collect and ask her to protect me from his brother and mother. However, as the case goes slowly along and the police take forever to give "full disclosure" he gets depressed, antzy, scared, etc. Well his mom asked him to call her collect on Thanksgiving to talk to the whole family. I was with my mom and half sister for Thanksgiving. His brother got on the phone and complained about my mom. At the first pre-trial that did not happen, my mom was emotional when we met with the attorney. She was hurting for Rod and our boys. The attorney talked with me later about it and how it could hurt him. I talked with my mom and she understood that she needs to not be emotional. There was no harm done -- the pre-trial did not happen -- this happen over a month ago. Rod's brother riles Rod up about it scaring him more so he calls me about it and starts complaining about how my mom could hurt his case.

Basically, I had to firmly tell him to stop. Then explained that the situation is under control and that he needs to trust me that I nor my mom would do anything to hurt his case. When that was not enough, I dumped on him about his brother. Two days after he was arrested his brother called me and rudely gave me his "facts" about what happen. I had a panic attack and could not even get him to stop. I hung up. He calls their mom to complain that I hurt his feelings. She calls me saying "I know you have never liked Rafael (brother), but we need to stick together as a family during this." I told her I have no issue with him, but I can not deal with his "facts" I am trying to figure this out and keep the boys from losing it. She did not get it, but Rafael has not called me since.

I told Rod that when he talks to Rafael, he has to deal with what he says on his own. I do not want to hear Rafael's accusations, feelings what ever. He finally understood but it took awhile to get through to him due to his feeling so scared.

My mother in law is paying for Rod's attorney. His brother wants to see him not get burned by this "witch hunt." I will be polite to them, but I will not let Rafael attack me no matter what even through Rod without Rod realizing it.

Other than that, ds#1 seems to be improving behavior wise. The medicine is either working better or he is adjusting. It is easing some of the strain. Also, we found out letting him listen to books on cd while laying in bed helps him to fall asleep quickly.

I am still losing weight and my doctor is worried. I am to weigh myself every day and give him a report when I see him in December. If my weight is still dropping to fast, then he will put me on more medicine. I am eating.... I am even eating foods that will bulk me up. I don't want to end up on more meds.
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Old Nov 27 2006, 06:05 AM   #80
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{{{{{{{{{{Dana}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

If I could have ONE wish this Christmas, it is that this nightmare you and your boys are caught in will end.
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