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Old Feb 27 2017, 06:42 PM   #321
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a long, 40 Camel Train just in from Timbuktu and laden with spices and silks


*Inserts a Chinese Coin*
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Old Feb 28 2017, 06:25 AM   #322
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out come Gus Arnheim's Cocoanut Grove Orchestra playing "I've Got a Yen for You."

*Inserts a Bitcoin*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
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"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

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Old Feb 28 2017, 06:07 PM   #323
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the Bit from Tron looking for a new owner.



*Inserts a Data Disk*
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Old Mar 1 2017, 10:24 AM   #324
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Captain Kirk looking for Data.

*Inserts a deflated air-bed.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 1 2017, 03:27 PM   #325
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It coomes back out with a Cycle Puncture Repair Kit sitting on top of it.



*Inserts a Tour De France brochure*
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Old Mar 2 2017, 03:16 AM   #326
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out falls a bottle containing multiple doses of GW1516.

*Inserts an original copy of Weyr Flight.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 2 2017, 05:14 PM   #327
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a large golden egg


*Inserts a hardback copy of Time Enough For Love*
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Old Mar 3 2017, 05:28 PM   #328
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out Strides Lazarus Long followed by Dora in her spaceship persona.

*Inserts a Spanish Prisoner*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 4 2017, 04:53 PM   #329
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Don Diego in his Zorro costume wanting to have 'A Word' with you


*Inserts a Spanish Doubloon*
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Old Mar 5 2017, 04:34 AM   #330
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

the machine quits.

A new machine arrives via an n-dimensional spacewarp and I insert a small ingot of gold bullion.
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 5 2017, 06:04 PM   #331
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps Quark demanding you turn over the Latinum that should be with the worthless gold



*Inserts a Dabo Wheel*
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Old Mar 6 2017, 06:05 PM   #332
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out races Broik who is being pelted with various coins of varying metals. She disappears into the distance.

*Inserts a coloured pencil.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 6 2017, 06:07 PM   #333
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes John Wick looking for his missing weapon


*Inserts a Samurai Sword*
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Old Mar 7 2017, 06:42 AM   #334
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes my great-grandfather in his master-mariner uniform, wearing said sword and all 6 of his Japanese medals.

(He was a captain for NYK and was involved in Jap/China War 1890s, Jan/Russia War 1905, and WW1.)

*Inserts an out-of-date library card.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 7 2017, 07:21 PM   #335
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Marion The Librarian wiht an dour look on her face.


*Inserts a Snickers Bar*
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Old Mar 9 2017, 03:58 PM   #336
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Nothing comes out, but the machine starts sniggering.

To shut it up you insert a gobstopper.
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 9 2017, 06:01 PM   #337
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Ed, Edd and Eddy


*inserts a Mouse Wheel*
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Old Mar 10 2017, 08:22 AM   #338
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

To the accompaniment of a squeaky bearing; two hamsters are ejected and scamper off.

Inserts last Sunday's newspaper.
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 10 2017, 05:04 PM   #339
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There is an odd wheezing, whooping sound and the Machine suddenly turns into a Police Box and out setps the Doctor who hands it back to you with a warning about poluting the Timestream before disappearing back into the Box with a fourish of his scarf which makes the aame noise and instantly the Vending Machine is back.


*inserts a picture of River Song*
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Old Mar 11 2017, 01:48 PM   #340
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The screams of a baby precede the arrival of an object labelled "Tardis Maternity". It turns out to be a used diaper.


*Inserts a long stripey scarf.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 11 2017, 05:38 PM   #341
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a large bag of Jelly Babies and a hearty "Thank you kind sir!"

*Inserts a Fez*
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Old Mar 11 2017, 06:00 PM   #342
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Tommy Cooper just like that.

*Inserts an o.a.p. travel pass*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 12 2017, 05:41 PM   #343
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Machine rattles and shales then spits it out and in a perky voice asks for a Multipass


*Inserts a Cab License*
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Old Mar 12 2017, 07:50 PM   #344
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine informs you (in a satnav voice) that you have arrived at your destination and, although you haven't travelled any distance, you are still liable for the booking fee of $3.59.

*You kick the machine which sucks your shoe off and swallows it.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 13 2017, 06:55 PM   #345
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

You hear a thump, an "OW!" and the voice of George W. Bush dirfts out "Oh no, not again!!"

The shoe comes flying out again.




*Inserts a First Aid Kit*
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Old Mar 13 2017, 07:34 PM   #346
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out saunters Doctor Kildare and the entire casts of Emergency Ward 10, and Doctor in the House (all arguing over who gets the next patient).

*Inserts a fish knife*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 14 2017, 07:41 AM   #347
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a large angry shark with the fish knife impaled in its back

You dive into the machine ...
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Old Mar 15 2017, 07:16 PM   #348
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

And drop onto sand finding yourself wearing a Stillsuit.

*Inserts a Melange Tab*
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Old Mar 16 2017, 03:20 AM   #349
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

After taking the melange tab, you feel so good that you backtrack where you rolled down the dune, extricate yourself from the stillsuit and climb back out of the machine.

*Inserts a smithcraft half-mark.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 16 2017, 03:58 PM   #350
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a prototype flying machine.
*inserts Ballybran crystal*
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Old Mar 16 2017, 05:00 PM   #351
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a craystal clear 'C' note that shatters all your glasses.


After you sweep up all the shattered glass you insert it into the machine.
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Old Mar 17 2017, 05:20 AM   #352
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There's a pause and then the machine gently hands over a lifesize glass sculpture of a firelizard.

*Inserts a piece of paper with a swear word written on it.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 17 2017, 06:06 PM   #353
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine spits out a Kevin Bloody Wilson CD


*Inserts a picture of a Vorlon Transport*
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Old Mar 18 2017, 06:51 PM   #354
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kugai View Post
The machine spits out a Kevin Bloody Wilson CD


*Inserts a picture of a Vorlon Transport*

Out come a Blue Lion

* Inserts an image of Irish Soda Bread and a glass of water and a glass of Irish Whisky
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Old Mar 19 2017, 04:28 AM   #355
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

St. Pat sticks his head out of the machine and points out that he was teetotal.

*Pours whisky back into the machine; hoping to dowse St. Pat.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 19 2017, 07:48 AM   #356
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

St Pat jumps out again. "I'm not swimming in that!" he exclaims and goes off to hunt Irish snakes.

Inserts an Irish snake ...
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Old Mar 19 2017, 05:15 PM   #357
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Homer Simpson with his Whackin' Stick looking for more Snakes to whack



*Inserts a Barry White CD*
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Old Mar 20 2017, 09:48 AM   #358
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the US Ambassador to Norway triping over his skis.

*Inserts a Mamaluke.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Mar 20 2017, 06:13 PM   #359
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes an Ottoman Janissary Division lead by its band


*Inserts a Cavalry Sabre*
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Old Mar 21 2017, 06:10 AM   #360
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out come General Custer and the US 7th Cavalry who are immediately attaqcked by the Ottoman Janissaries.

*Inserts a copy of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948)*
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The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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