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Old Apr 24 2009, 07:57 AM   #1
Kater
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Big Grin Cracking The Human Resource Code

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most
weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.
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Old Apr 24 2009, 10:23 AM   #2
Hans
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Default Re: Cracking The Human Resource Code

I must translate these into Dutch
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Old Apr 25 2009, 08:49 PM   #3
Kugai
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Default Re: Cracking The Human Resource Code

"MUST HAVE WORKING KNOWLEGE OF MICROSOFT OFFICE"
No-one else in the office has a clue how to use it!
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Old Apr 26 2009, 02:56 AM   #4
P'ter
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Default Re: Cracking The Human Resource Code

"OWN TRANSPORT REQUIRED"

In order to save money we've re-located out in the boonies and there's no public services.
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The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old Apr 27 2009, 09:16 AM   #5
Lanen
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Default Re: Cracking The Human Resource Code

"STRICT DRESS CODE"

The suits come into the IT office now and again to impress other visitors, so even though you will never meet any of them, you can't sit at your terminal in comfortable clothes in case the visitors see you not wearing a suit and don't take us seriously.
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Old May 5 2009, 04:53 AM   #6
Gwina
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Default Re: Cracking The Human Resource Code

Yep, yep, and yep!
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.
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