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Old May 3 2017, 08:37 PM   #441
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

out comes an enraged fan swearing like a Dock Worker.



*Inserts a Belaying Pin*
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Old May 4 2017, 02:48 AM   #442
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a huge tangle of rope and, in a really bad imitation of Captain Jack Sparrow, tells you to "sort it out yourself."

*Inserts a rowlock.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 4 2017, 08:05 PM   #443
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Centurion with a whip and snarls at you "Go back to your Oar fortyone."


*Inserts a Roman Chariot*
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Old May 4 2017, 10:52 PM   #444
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out rides a knight that says knee

Inserts a barn swallow!
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Old May 5 2017, 06:02 PM   #445
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine 'swiftly' expels a sand martin.

*Inserts Darrow's goose-egg.*
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"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 5 2017, 08:07 PM   #446
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes Dai Op Owen frowning at the readings it's given off


*Inserts a model Helijet*
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Old May 7 2017, 02:22 AM   #447
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

With much difficulty the machine delivers one of Heinlein's martian ornithopters.

*Inserts a parachute*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 7 2017, 08:12 AM   #448
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

A small hot air balloon comes out.

Inserts a video-recording of a dog dancing around on its hind legs barking while the balloon floats above with two men in the basket teasing it.
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Old May 8 2017, 01:42 AM   #449
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out floats the Hindenburg with the Dog at the controls.



*Inserts a fire hose*
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Old May 8 2017, 06:19 PM   #450
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out pops Fireman Sam who waves cheerily before disappearing in a flash of flame and a puff of smoke.

*Inserts an empty tool-box.
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 8 2017, 08:31 PM   #451
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps the Sidchrome Man who hands it back full of tools


*Inserts a trolley jack*
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Old May 9 2017, 04:21 AM   #452
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine slowly levitates . . . . . and then drops noisily to the ground.

*Inserts various detached bits of machine.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 9 2017, 06:19 PM   #453
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Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out drifts smoke spelling S.O. S.


Inserts a life preserver
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Old May 9 2017, 10:11 PM   #454
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Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a very grateful looking Jack Dawson



*Inserts a pair of binoculars*
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Old May 10 2017, 02:20 AM   #455
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine turns itself around to face a housing estate.

*After a bit, a cop turns up and inserts a warrant for voyeurism.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 10 2017, 07:39 PM   #456
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a Lawyer in a cheap blue suit and a toothy smile


*Inserts a Naugahide Briefcase*
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Old May 11 2017, 10:35 AM   #457
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Fan of: The Smallest Dragonboy
Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out falls a pair of briefs

" Inserts a pair of blue jeans "
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Old May 11 2017, 03:35 PM   #458
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There's the sound of running water; followed by "I Heard It On The Grapevine".

*Inserts a packet of washing powder.
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 11 2017, 07:08 PM   #459
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine disgorges a pair of clean Jeans neatly folded and sealed in a plastic bag




*Inserts a Service Manual for a IS-2 Tank*
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Old May 12 2017, 02:39 AM   #460
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine spits it back out: it can't read Russian.


*Inserts a half-completed Kakuro puzzle.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 12 2017, 08:21 PM   #461
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
Gender: M
Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It ejects it complete and gives you a 5000 piece Jigsaw Puzzle of the night sky for you to have a go at


*inserts a Jumbo Crossword Puzzle Book*
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Old May 14 2017, 03:19 AM   #462
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

I'm sure I posted this yesterday!

The machine delivers a puzzled elephant trumpeting cross words.

*Inserts a pencil stub.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 14 2017, 07:46 PM   #463
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
Gender: M
Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps a harassed looking Army Clerk writing furiously



*Inserts a full Ammo Box*
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You can never have too much Coffee

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Old May 14 2017, 07:50 PM   #464
Dragon Fan
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Gender: M
Fan of: The Smallest Dragonboy
Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

After many bangs, Thumps, and grinding noises, out falls a Universal Vending Machine repair manual.

" Inserts a hammer "
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Old May 15 2017, 10:09 AM   #465
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes a membership card for the "Three Hammers Golf Club".

*Inserts a picture of Donald Trump.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 15 2017, 09:50 PM   #466
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There is a loud grinding, shreaking noise then smoke and flames erupt form the machine and it melts into a pile of gooey slag

repaces machine and *Inserts a picture of T'Pol*
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Old May 16 2017, 02:40 AM   #467
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Unfortunately, what is delivered is Dr. Phlox.

*Inserts a programme of the premier of Handel's Messiah.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 16 2017, 09:04 PM   #468
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes the Messiah carrying four candles.


*Inserts a pair of glasses*
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You can never have too much Coffee

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Old May 16 2017, 10:14 PM   #469
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Fan of: The Smallest Dragonboy
Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

out comes a picture of Robinson Crusoe

" Inserts a picture of a Boat"
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Old May 17 2017, 02:44 AM   #470
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers a very disheveled Ancient Mariner, complete with albatross.

*Inserts a wedding dress.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 17 2017, 10:06 PM   #471
Dragon Fan
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Gender: M
Fan of: The Smallest Dragonboy
Now Reading: The Rift
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out falls a wilted flower

" inserts a broken door knob"
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Old May 17 2017, 10:13 PM   #472
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out steps some Alan Davis desperately asking to use your toilet :-D


*Inserts a bottle of Handwash*
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Old May 18 2017, 04:18 AM   #473
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

After an interval filled, if not overflowing, with noises of running water and emerging bubbles, the machine ejects Dr. Hans Clean.

http://www.royalwolverhampton.nhs.uk...ew-cross-code/

*Inserts a ducat.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 18 2017, 08:24 PM   #474
Kugai
Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
 
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
Gender: M
Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out pops Londo Mollari who hands you a bottle of Brivari, yells "VALTOOOOOO!!!!" and dives back into the machine.

*Inserts a Swedish Meatbalj*
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Old May 19 2017, 02:33 AM   #475
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine delivers an Ikea flat-pack dining set.

*Inserts a rasher of streaky bacon.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 19 2017, 08:17 AM   #476
vyon
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

It comes out artfully arranged on a plate with a couple of poached eggs, three fried mushrooms, a sliced, seared tomato and a hash brown.

Inserts the empty plate - unwashed.
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Old May 19 2017, 07:42 PM   #477
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

There is the sound of running water, a few soap bubbles float out the the plate is disgorged squeaky clean and encased in shrink wrap plastic.


*Inserts a large, empty Coffee Mug(
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Old May 20 2017, 02:43 AM   #478
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

The machine speedily delivers an grandisimo skinny latte . . . so fast it spills down your trousers.

*Inserts an injunction for personal damages.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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Old May 20 2017, 08:00 PM   #479
Kugai
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Wellington NEW ZEALAND
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Fan of: Tower and Hive Series
Now Reading: Whatever takes my fancy at the moment
Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out come Judge Judy who scowls at you and awards Damages anyway


*Inserts a Statuette of Justice*
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Old May 21 2017, 03:05 AM   #480
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Default Re: The Universal Vending Machine

Out comes full-size justice. Unfortunately she's upside down with her robes in disarray. Her scales wrap themselves round your neck, and her sword smacks you on your backside: luckily flat side first!

*Inserts card with "HELP!" written in large capitals.*
__________________
"Truth is stranger than fiction: fiction has to make sense." Leo Rosten.

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C. S. Lewis

"I find television very educational. Whenever somebody switches it on I go in the other room and read a book." (attributed to Groucho Marx)

The Pedants are revolting! (against bad grammar)
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