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|Jan 3 2014, 11:56 PM||#1|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: CONCORD VA
Fan of: PERN
Now Reading: Dolphins of Pern and Queens ow
A short story told to a group of kids.
This is a story a M.C is telling a group of kids. It is a minor part to a bigger story. I want to know if the kids interrupting the story is a distraction or adds a realistic feeling to it. They kids range from 5 to 12. The schools kids are sent to are very bad places. This is a first draft, I want to know if I should leave the interruptions in or not before I work on it more
As soon as the kids were settled Gayla told them a story, “Willow was a young woman brought here, from a different realm. The..”
“What's a realm?” Ash asked.
“A place that is located beside our. You can only get there by powerful magic,” Gayla answered. “The realm Willow was fun was very different than ours. Most people did not believe in magic, there were no dragons, unicorn, gryphon or elves.
“When Willow was brought here she was very scared. She did not know where she was or how she was going to go home again. She was trying to decide what she was going to do when she meant a green dragon.”
“Dragons are evil,” Bov said.
“Are not!” One girl yell.
“Are to, every one says so,” a boy not much bigger then Little Bit said.
“They're good, Shorty,” Sass insisted.
Gayla interrupted before a larger argument could get started. “Dragons are mostly good. If I could get back to the story?”
“The dragon Greenwings told Willow that she had been brought here for a reason.”
“What reason?” Bov asked.
“If everyone will stop asking questions I will tell you. Green wings told Willow that she had been brought here for a reason. Green
wings was not able to tell her what. Green Wings took her to Centerton to talk to the leaders of Tresland. They told her about a prophecy, I don't know what the prophecy said. It said that she had to look for a purple gem that held great power. With the gem they could
Willow could defeat the evil queen, Rye. The prophecy said that she would travel with a dragon, unicorn, gryphon and an elf.
“The group traveled for many months looking for the gem. One day they found a cave. The cave had a tunnel, the group some how, knew they had to walk through a tunnel located at the back of the the cave.
“They followed the tunnel for two days before coming to a large cave. This cave was magnificent to behold. There was a gold glow coming from it. Huge glowing crystals hung half way down, as well as on the walls.
In the very center there was a large gold thrown. Sitting on the thrown was a tall, blued eyed woman. She was easily the most beautiful person any of them had ever seen. She smiled at them as she greeted them, by name. She explained she was a goddess and she was the one that had brought Willow here.
“She explained that when the old queen had been poisoned and her dying wish was to save her baby daughter, Rose. The goddess made a magical double of the baby. The real baby she took far away to keep her safe. The double she placed in the crib, it would look like it was alive for two weeks then it would seem to die. It was believed that what killed the queen is what killed Rose.
“The goddess took Willow's hand and told her, “you are that baby. You are the real queen, Rose.” She gave Willow the gem she had been looking for. She told Willow that it was her destiny to defeat the evil ones.
“Willow Rose, which was her real name, left the next morning. As the group traveled people joined them. By the time they reached the capital where the evil queen resided there were more than a hundred people with Willow Rose. They had to fight their way to the palace.
Once in the palace Willow Rose got separated from her friends, so she was alone when she found the queen.”
“What did she do?” Little Bit took her tongue out of her mouth to ask.
“Shut up and we'll find out,” Shorty told her.
“Both of ya hush,” Sass told them.
Gayla took a drink of her tea as she waited for them to quiet down again, which did not take long. As soon as they were quiet she went back to telling the story.
“When Willow Rose entered the throne room her gem started glowing. The evil queen sent one magic ball after another after Willow Rose. The gen deflected each one. As the queen got weaker Willow Rose attacked, with the gem adding to her power she was able to encase the evil one in a large crystal block and knock her unconscious. By the time she woke up the war was over. Willow Rose only had to decide what to do to the evil one. She had done some very bad things. She had killed many people, separated families and more.
“What do you think Willow Rose did to the evil one?” Gayla asked.
“Killed her,” Shorty said.
“Stone her, like the did Mama,” Sass whispered.
“Send her to school,” Bov called out.
“Willow Rose would have been justified doing any of those, but she did none of them. She did not to start her rein with more blood shed. Instead she banished the queen to the realm she had come from.
“The one place she knew of that did not have magic for the evil one to use. She called on the goddess there with no money, just the clothes she was wearing. The
supported the evil one was banished to a different realm. The soldiers who were forced to work for her were released. The bad schools were closed and good ones were opened. Children were returned to their parents, ones who no longer had parents were given to good people to raise. Willow Rose went on to rule with compassion for close to a hundred years.
November is write a 50,000 (or more) word novel, so
MEDDLE NOT IN THE AFFAIRS OF DRAGONS, FOR YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND GOOD WITH CHOCOLATE
SO MANY BOOKS SO LITTLE TIME
DRIVING SMART KEEPS YOU ALIVE
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