Game: The Universal Vending Machine

[Kugai]

Out comes a long, 40 Camel Train just in from Timbuktu and laden with spices and silks


*Inserts a Chinese Coin*

[P'ter]

Out come Gus Arnheim's Cocoanut Grove Orchestra playing "I've Got a Yen for You."

*Inserts a Bitcoin*

[Kugai]

Out comes the Bit from Tron looking for a new owner.



*Inserts a Data Disk*

[P'ter]

Out comes Captain Kirk looking for Data.

*Inserts a deflated air-bed.*

[Kugai]

It coomes back out with a Cycle Puncture Repair Kit sitting on top of it.



*Inserts a Tour De France brochure*

[P'ter]

Out falls a bottle containing multiple doses of GW1516.

*Inserts an original copy of Weyr Flight.*

[Kugai]

Out comes a large golden egg


*Inserts a hardback copy of Time Enough For Love*

[P'ter]

Out Strides Lazarus Long followed by Dora in her spaceship persona.

*Inserts a Spanish Prisoner*

[Kugai]

Out comes Don Diego in his Zorro costume wanting to have 'A Word' with you


*Inserts a Spanish Doubloon*

[P'ter]

the machine quits.

A new machine arrives via an n-dimensional spacewarp and I insert a small ingot of gold bullion.

[Kugai]

Out steps Quark demanding you turn over the Latinum that should be with the worthless gold



*Inserts a Dabo Wheel*

[P'ter]

Out races Broik who is being pelted with various coins of varying metals. She disappears into the distance.

*Inserts a coloured pencil.*

[Kugai]

Out comes John Wick looking for his missing weapon


*Inserts a Samurai Sword*

[P'ter]

Out comes my great-grandfather in his master-mariner uniform, wearing said sword and all 6 of his Japanese medals.

(He was a captain for NYK and was involved in Jap/China War 1890s, Jan/Russia War 1905, and WW1.)

*Inserts an out-of-date library card.*

[Kugai]

Out comes Marion The Librarian wiht an dour look on her face.


*Inserts a Snickers Bar*

[P'ter]

Nothing comes out, but the machine starts sniggering.

To shut it up you insert a gobstopper.

[Kugai]

Out comes Ed, Edd and Eddy


*inserts a Mouse Wheel*

[P'ter]

To the accompaniment of a squeaky bearing; two hamsters are ejected and scamper off.

Inserts last Sunday's newspaper.

[Kugai]

There is an odd wheezing, whooping sound and the Machine suddenly turns into a Police Box and out setps the Doctor who hands it back to you with a warning about poluting the Timestream before disappearing back into the Box with a fourish of his scarf which makes the aame noise and instantly the Vending Machine is back.


*inserts a picture of River Song*

[P'ter]

The screams of a baby precede the arrival of an object labelled "Tardis Maternity". It turns out to be a used diaper.


*Inserts a long stripey scarf.*

[Kugai]

Out comes a large bag of Jelly Babies and a hearty "Thank you kind sir!"

*Inserts a Fez*

[P'ter]

Out comes Tommy Cooper just like that.

*Inserts an o.a.p. travel pass*

[Kugai]

Machine rattles and shales then spits it out and in a perky voice asks for a Multipass


*Inserts a Cab License*

[P'ter]

The machine informs you (in a satnav voice) that you have arrived at your destination and, although you haven't travelled any distance, you are still liable for the booking fee of $3.59.

*You kick the machine which sucks your shoe off and swallows it.*

[Kugai]

You hear a thump, an "OW!" and the voice of George W. Bush dirfts out "Oh no, not again!!"

The shoe comes flying out again.




*Inserts a First Aid Kit*

[P'ter]

Out saunters Doctor Kildare and the entire casts of Emergency Ward 10, and Doctor in the House (all arguing over who gets the next patient).

*Inserts a fish knife*

[vyon]

Out comes a large angry shark with the fish knife impaled in its back

You dive into the machine ...

[Kugai]

And drop onto sand finding yourself wearing a Stillsuit.

*Inserts a Melange Tab*

[P'ter]

After taking the melange tab, you feel so good that you backtrack where you rolled down the dune, extricate yourself from the stillsuit and climb back out of the machine.

*Inserts a smithcraft half-mark.*

[Greenrider Tresa]

Out comes a prototype flying machine.
*inserts Ballybran crystal*

[Kugai]

Out comes a craystal clear 'C' note that shatters all your glasses.


After you sweep up all the shattered glass you insert it into the machine.

[P'ter]

There's a pause and then the machine gently hands over a lifesize glass sculpture of a firelizard.

*Inserts a piece of paper with a swear word written on it.*

[Kugai]

The machine spits out a Kevin Bloody Wilson CD


*Inserts a picture of a Vorlon Transport*

[GinnyStar]

Originally Posted by Kugai

The machine spits out a Kevin Bloody Wilson CD


*Inserts a picture of a Vorlon Transport*

Out come a Blue Lion

* Inserts an image of Irish Soda Bread and a glass of water and a glass of Irish Whisky

[P'ter]

St. Pat sticks his head out of the machine and points out that he was teetotal.

*Pours whisky back into the machine; hoping to dowse St. Pat.*

[vyon]

St Pat jumps out again. "I'm not swimming in that!" he exclaims and goes off to hunt Irish snakes.

Inserts an Irish snake ...

[Kugai]

Out comes Homer Simpson with his Whackin' Stick looking for more Snakes to whack



*Inserts a Barry White CD*

[P'ter]

Out comes the US Ambassador to Norway triping over his skis.

*Inserts a Mamaluke.*

[Kugai]

Out comes an Ottoman Janissary Division lead by its band


*Inserts a Cavalry Sabre*

[P'ter]

Out come General Custer and the US 7th Cavalry who are immediately attaqcked by the Ottoman Janissaries.

*Inserts a copy of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948)*