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Old Dec 28 2004, 05:01 PM   #1
RogueDragon
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Unhappy I need to vent, please?

My boyfriend is driving me up the wall! My boyfriend has a 5-year-old daughter by another woman, who is a nut case! This woman is a gold digging, immature snake! I hate her. Her daughter is a confused little brat who calls my boyfriend by "Jake", not daddy. "Jake" picked up his daughter last night after not seeing her for 2 months. His parents pay $400 a month in child support for her, but his ex screws around with his visitation.The kid barely talked to us opened her christmas presents and then demanded to be taken home. No thank you's, nothing. Then her mothers ex husband calls and wants to know if she's at our house because he's coming over and picking her up and that we better have her ready or there will be trouble.

To top it off, I asked my boyfriend what is he going to do about his visitation and this mess that he's ex has his daughter in, and he tells me that there is nothing he can do about and not to worry about it because its none of my business. I told him if its none of my business than I don't want to hear him moan and groan over his precious daughter, who calls him up and calls him a deadbeat and worse. I told him last night that I wash my hands of it. Well, this morning he informed me that we're getting his daughter this weekend, because his ex wants to go out and party. I said to him "when was this decided? He said last night when he dropped his daughter off at his ex's."

First off, the apartment is mine, I'm the one paying all the bills, he just sits there on his computer and watches our son. I cook, clean, work, and go to school. I have enough stress from my own life! He sits there and says that I shouldn't worry about it? Its hard not to worry about it when he's up all night saying that he can't sleep because he's worried about his daughter. And he's the type when he's in a "Mood" everyone is suppose to just walk on eggshells and cater to him.

When we first started dating, he told me what a nut his ex was and that she was a bad mother, so, stupid me thought that since me and him were together that I'd step in and provide a stable influence in his daughters life. I should have known that no good would come from it, when I asked him one time what he liked about me. He said" You have a great personality and you spoil my daughter". Is it just me or is it a bad sign when you ask your boyfriend what he likes about you, he says you have a great personality? To me when someone says that it usually means that he can't think of anything he likes about you and is using that phrase as a comp out, because theres really nothing he finds attractive about you.

The more I write this the more I find that I've been suckered. I guess I'm one of those women who is always waiting for prince charming, but ends up with frogs.

I need a
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Old Dec 28 2004, 05:27 PM   #2
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

lots of for you.

Sounds to me like you're being treated pretty badly :irked: - maybe it's time he found somewhere else to take his moody self?!
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Old Dec 28 2004, 07:02 PM   #3
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

RogueDragon I wish there was something I could say to help.


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Old Dec 28 2004, 09:39 PM   #4
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

RD, I'll give you the hugs....


I will also tell you I am really confused why the his child's mother's EX husband thinks he has the right to take the girl out of her FATHER'S home? He is no longer with the mother, what right does he have to the child?

I think, honey, before this guy drains you any further, and your son ends up as screwed up as his daughter, you REALLY need to kick his butt to the curb. There has got to be a better way, and Social Services can usually help with child care, somethimes even health insurance and rent suplements. Especially for single moms trying to better themselves so they can take better care of their child.

There is a prince out there for you. Might take a while... I didn't find mine until I was 33...and it's not perfect, it's a work in progress.... but you don't have to put up with the BS this idiot is slinging, either.
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Old Dec 28 2004, 10:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

RogueDragon

I think Ann Marie's advice is worth following... sometimes a child is better with one parent than two parents and friction. Good luck whatever you decide.
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Old Dec 29 2004, 01:16 AM   #6
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Here's a for you.

I'm not going to give advice unless you want me to. I see here the concantenation of a number of problems, each needing to be addressed, and I wish you all the best in dealing with them. If you want to speak more with me, email me or pm me -- either will work. Until then, take care, and feel free to vent as much as you like: everyone needs the chance to be heard.
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Old Dec 29 2004, 11:46 AM   #7
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Thanks everyone, its just so fustrating sometimes.
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Old Dec 29 2004, 12:00 PM   #8
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Lots of for you!
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Old Dec 29 2004, 12:45 PM   #9
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By the sound of it he seems to be a lost cause. The kid's not yours, so you needn't make her your problem unless your really love your boyfriend enough to do it. Seems to me you deserve much better.
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Old Dec 29 2004, 12:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

I guess I just stay with him, because I have no one else to help me. My parents split and moved to different parts of the country, my sister could care less, and for some reason I don't have any friends, except on here. I just feel stuck.

Last edited by RogueDragon; Dec 29 2004 at 12:49 PM. Reason: Spelling error
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Old Dec 29 2004, 08:13 PM   #11
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueDragon
I guess I just stay with him, because I have no one else to help me. My parents split and moved to different parts of the country, my sister could care less, and for some reason I don't have any friends, except on here. I just feel stuck.

This is why I said to contact Social Services. Ignore the stigma... we're talking about your son's well-being, as well as your own. Staying with the loser boyfriend just because you think you can't find any other help is a BAD thing. Trust me...been there, done that, thank the gods he was shooting blanks in the year we were together. I wouldn't wish that life on anyone, male or female.
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Old Jan 14 2005, 05:45 AM   #12
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

I really feel for the difficulties you're going thro' but do remember that the child is only five and it is unlikely that she's reacting like this off her own bat, it sounds like her mother has been busy coaching and influencing her daughter to behave the way she is.
Mothers should know better than to use her child as a weapon against her Father! This is very damaging to all concerned and the little girl must be very confused, as well as disrupting your relationship your own child must pick on the atmosphere.
In order to stop the war, remove the weapon. Maybe your partner could take a break just for a few weeks to let things settle down, if he could do this it would give him a chance to stand back and look at the reasons for his ex's power over him...His daughter. I think you will find that he's feel guilty and its this that allows the Ex to manipulate him, and from what you're saying she's calling all the shots and as long as he allows this, it will be an ongoing situation which will only get worst. It might make her realise that he's not playing her game any more, she may stop, but you're partner will have to be very strong for a couple of weeks, If the child wants to see her Dad try and meet outside of her home situation where mother can't use her usual tricks and ploys she would normally to get what she wants.
If he could bring himself to take a short break it might give you chance to work on your relationship.
Just remember the five year old is being hurt and I think any mother using their children in this way is a form of child abuse, a strong term I know, but what is this poor little girl being taught? How to hate. Who should she believe? and worse is it her fault? That's an awful burden for a five year old to deal with!
I've been on both sides of a situation like this and, believe it or not, even though my father and stepmother are divorced I'm very close to her which really makes my Dad angry but I've always refused to be 'piggy in the middle'
but I'm luck that I was older at the time.
One of the hardest things to break in a relationship is the habit!
I hope this helps and big to you all
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Old Jan 14 2005, 06:32 AM   #13
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

lots of hugs Rogue Dragon
I cant be much help but I know there are loads of people you can talk to-at least in the UK there is.
If it helps talking here-that's good!
Theres no way your bf should let you do all the work though! He should do his share-If you're off to work and he's not-he should do more of the housework!
Ask him!
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Old Jan 14 2005, 01:39 PM   #14
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

This is the sort of situation where I advise you to abandon ship. That little girl is being used as a weapon, and you are being hurt as well. Her mom won't stop, and you're boyfriend is apparently a leech, so what exactly are you getting from being caught in this struggle? Lots, but none of it is good.

If I could, I'd beam you outta there, but I can't, so all I'm able to offer you is this advice, and an e-hug.

Love;
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Old Jan 16 2005, 11:41 AM   #15
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Thanks all.
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Old Feb 5 2005, 01:03 PM   #16
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueDragon
I guess I just stay with him, because I have no one else to help me. My parents split and moved to different parts of the country, my sister could care less, and for some reason I don't have any friends, except on here. I just feel stuck.

????You have no one else to help you?????? It doesn't sound like you are receiving any help at all from your boyfriend. You are being used! His parents pay his child support, and he does nothing but sit at home on the computer??? This is a pattern that is unlikely to change. You probably have strength in abundance that you don't even realize. Contact Social Services, kick him out and get on with your life. with the child support you will get from HIS PARENTS you can probably afford decent childcare while you work and go to school. You'll definitely cut back on expenses by geeting rid of him. Just my . good luck in whatever your decision is.
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Old Feb 13 2005, 03:25 AM   #17
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Old Feb 13 2005, 06:14 AM   #18
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Thanks all for the support! I just hope I hav ethe strength to do what's right.
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Old Feb 13 2005, 04:26 PM   #19
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Rogue, you've reserves of strength you probably haven't tapped into yet; and you have your friends here as well, to give encouragement, support, and shoulders to cry on when you need them. Good luck with what you decide, and I hope that all will come well for you.
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Old Feb 16 2005, 01:12 PM   #20
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RogueDragon
I guess I just stay with him, because I have no one else to help me. My parents split and moved to different parts of the country, my sister could care less, and for some reason I don't have any friends, except on here. I just feel stuck.
Whose helping who?! This guy is a PARASITE!!! You pay his bills, his parents pay his child support, and all he does is play on the computer; that ticks me off! This is not a healthy relationship!

And about your son; I think he'd be better off without that blood-sucking tick around. I aughta' know, my parents got divorced when I was in the fourth grade. I haven't spoken to my father in almost a year now and I'm actually doing much better without him, I've never been happier in my life! I think your son would be much better off without his father too because he's a bad influence on a young child; keep him around long enough and he'll turn your son into a miniature of himself.

The best thing to do for both of your sakes is to DITCH THE DEAD WEIGHT, he's only holding you back. You can make it without him, trust me! My mom supports herself, me (16), my brother (13), as well as 2 pets on 1 income! Money may be tight sometimes, but mom makes sure we have everything we need and we allways have each other so we're happy. If she can do that, you should have no trouble providing for yourself and your son; in fact, you should be better off because you'll have 1 less person to provide for! Having no man is far better than having a bad one. You have to do what's right for you and it sounds like you aughta' tell this guy to either shape up or ship out; if he really loves you, he'll try harder. Try to talk it out first of coarse, but if he continues his selfish habits, for your son's sake if not for your own, leave him; your son will thank you someday. I know I thank my mom all the time for kicking that two-timing snake out of our house.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do; I wish you the best. I'd put one of those little smiley-face hug things on here but I have no idea how, but the thought's there. If there's any way I can help, like if you want to know how divorce affects kids (I've been there, done that, and given advice on it before) or something, just tell me, I'd be glad to help.

PS: You're not stuck, you're never stuck; there is allways another option, you just have to look for it sometimes. The right guy is out there somewhere, you just have to wait for him, "Wait for a prince, don't settle for a toad".

PSS: If you don't think you have the strength to do it, just look deep inside yourself. My mom used to be the world's doormat, but when my father started cheating she started laying down the law. She gave him a second chance and he still didn't quit, so she kicked him out; it was the best thing she ever did for herself and for me and my brother.

Last edited by Levallia; Feb 17 2005 at 01:07 PM.
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Old Feb 25 2005, 12:52 AM   #21
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

RogueDragon, here i give you something that i look at every single day. It resides humbly upon my refrigerator door. And i gained it's wisdom through unintentionally becoming a resident of a domestic abuse shelter. Let that not deter you; the wisdom is sound. And it will come to help you if you give it a chance. Consider yourself hugged! And do not give up, assert your own destiny, or others will make it and take it from you.

YOUR BILL OF RIGHTS

* You have the right to be you.

* You have the right to put yourself first.

*You have the right to be safe.

*You have the right to love and be loved.

*You have the right to be treated with respect.

*You have the right to be human - NOT PERFECT.

*You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.

*You have the right to your own privacy.

*You have the right to have your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.

*You have the right to earn and control your own money.

*You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life.

*You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind).

*You have the right to say NO.

*You have the right to make mistakes.

*You have the right NOT to be responsible for other adult's problems.

*You have the right not to be liked by everyone.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.


Pattern Changing For Abused Women, copyright 1995, Sage Publications, Inc.
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Old Feb 25 2005, 11:30 AM   #22
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Default Re: I need to vent, please?

Saphirdrache, AMEN!

While I wish no one had to learn these things the hard way... it seems to be the way most find the inner strength.
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