Thread: Verse: Kath's poetry thread
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Old Jun 25 2014, 10:35 AM   #3

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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oop North

Fan of: Moreta
Default Re: Kath's poetry thread

Thank you, Hans!

I do see what you mean, and your suggestions would certainly make for a more regular rhythm. What you didn't know is that the missing 'and' is a deliberate removal (it was there in the first draft). Both the last two lines are also longer by choice, kind of matching the extra foot in the first line, but without any metre at all. Whether the structural shift works...well, that's not a question for me to answer. Maybe it doesn't! Actually, maybe I should ditch either the 'and' or the 'with'... Hmmm...

I might make a quick voice recording, so you can hear how I hear it....
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