Thread: Verse: Kath's poetry thread
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Old Jun 25 2014, 08:56 AM   #2
Hans
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: The Netherlands
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Default Re: Kath's poetry thread

I like it. The only comment sI have are that the last line of the first verse doesn't seem to flow as naturally as the rest. It feels like it has one or two syllables too many, or maybe a whole word? And in the third lines of the second verse I would use 'and' between dark and deep as that cmbines better with the (almost) allitteration of clenched IN declivities, dark AND deep; but that could be just my perception.


Overall I like this very much. Pleasant to read, food for thought, makes you think and especially for the non-native English speaker somewhat of a challenge
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