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-   -   Game: The Universal Vending Machine (http://forums.srellim.org/showthread.php?t=8488)

Dragon Fan Jan 22 2018 07:48 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A couple Retro Beach Boys drop out singing Surfin USA, and riding the waves !

Inserts an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini !

P'ter Jan 25 2018 05:45 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a rather worried young lady looking for said bikini. Incidentaly, when they were first sold you only got the bottom half!

*Inserts a membership card for the Alice Springs Lifesaving Club.*

Dragon Fan Jan 25 2018 09:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine applauds you service to the youth of Alice Springs, The machine passes your card along to other civic minded lifeguards, for alas, the machine can not swim.

Inserts a tape of a tour of Irish castles.

P'ter Jan 27 2018 08:01 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
With a loud "shlurp" the ground around the machine turns semi-liquid and the machine is sucked under. The replacement has to be site elsewhere.

*Inserts a guide book of Kentucky distilleries.*

Dragon Fan Jan 27 2018 08:31 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
After visiting, and, a sampling from each distillery, The Machine is arrested for drunk Vending without proper permits. After a court battle a new permit is issued and vending can continue.

Inserts a new pair of socks and a plastic shower liner.

P'ter Jan 28 2018 09:21 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A deep basso-profundo voice starts singing "I'm singing in the rain . . ." and sudsey water commences to overflow from the vending slot. After a long pause the machine lifts slightly to reveal a pair of feet wiggling their toes with the sheer delight of wearing new socks.

*Inserts a pair of clean underpants."

Dragon Fan Jan 28 2018 10:44 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The Machine makes approving rumbles, a panel slides open revealing a most perfectly shaped Bum encased in the underpants, moving to the sounds of, 2 in a rooms, " Wiggle it "

Inserts a 50 pound bag of popcorn.

P'ter Jan 29 2018 10:50 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The sugar overload causes the machine to go hyperglycemic, and dance down the road caroling the well known chanson "Knight and Dame, you are the one".

*Inserts the rubbish result of pulling an all night study session.*

Dragon Fan Feb 1 2018 05:52 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The rubbish burnt in a small Chimney stove, cooks some hotdogs and beans for dinner, One mans trash is another mans heat.

Inserts a bag of ashes from the burnt rubbish.

P'ter Feb 2 2018 07:34 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a tombstone for Professor Henri Louis Chatelain, Master of Arts, Docteur de Lettres, 13/08/1877 - 19/08/1915.

*Inserts a naked burrito.*

Dragon Fan Feb 2 2018 06:33 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Oh no ! not a Burrito ! Machine disappears in a flash of white light! Returns Quaking in fear, and repeating over and over, Please. Please. Please. Don't ask me to eat a 5 pound Burrito !

Inserts a full bottle of antacid tablets.

P'ter Feb 3 2018 12:39 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine's delivery slot opens and it burbs at 140dB. It then farts a la Tunderpants and it takes off in the direction of Uranus.

After a new machine is installed: *inserts a "welcome-to-your-new-home" card.*

Dragon Fan Feb 3 2018 06:39 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The new machine, having retained all the memory of all the machine incarnations before it thanks everyone involved it it's use, and the many items vended thru it since it was created.

Inserts a Birthday cake.

P'ter Feb 4 2018 08:56 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a collection of fork handles!

*Inserts a trug*

Dragon Fan Feb 4 2018 09:45 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Many cut flower arrangements are made possible, Lover, wives, Sweethearts are made very happy!

Inserts a mouth harp.

P'ter Feb 5 2018 09:45 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine starts swinging an aeolian harp which hits you on the back of the head and knocks you out.

When you come to: *inserts a card saying "Ouch!"*

Dragon Fan Feb 6 2018 06:56 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Ouch indeed, Machine is heard to have given out a chuckle when the Harp made contact.

Inserts a gallon of Super glue into the machine to prevent Harp swinging.

P'ter Feb 8 2018 09:50 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Unfortunately, whatever the maching was about to deliver is now stuck firmly into the interior.

*inserts 5 gallons of nail-varnish remove to dissolve the superglue.*

Dragon Fan Feb 8 2018 05:28 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Gooey glob flows out.

Reinserts the harp.

P'ter Feb 9 2018 04:47 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A long and loud series of twangs can be heard issuing from the harp, along with the noises of chopping and sawing. Eventually the machine delivers 1527 miniature harps and a humanoid shape totally bound up in harp strings of varying thicknesses and lengths.

*Inserts a pair of ballet tights.*

Dragon Fan Feb 9 2018 10:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
As no Ballerina is currently available, the tights are filled with suet, to feed the birds on harsh winter days.

inserts a video of the " kukla, fran, and ollie " show.

P'ter Feb 10 2018 03:53 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There comes a noise of galloping hooves, and two glove puppets arrive on the pavement along with Muffin the Mule who kicks them into the middle distance (and chases after them).

*Inserts the waste packaging from a new laptop.*

Greenrider Tresa Feb 13 2018 01:22 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A pamphlet reminding you to recycle emerges.

*inserts a broken laptop*

Dragon Fan Feb 13 2018 04:50 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A note reminding you to send broken laptops in their original packaging emerges.

Inserts a boomerang ( broken in half, it kept coming back out)

P'ter Feb 15 2018 03:37 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine finally delivers a bola with one weight missing.

*Inserts a maths exam paper.*

Dragon Fan Feb 18 2018 02:13 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Exam paper is returned with corrections made on incorrect answers ( not many ).

inserts a corrected Pencil, because everyone knows the wrong answers are the Pencils fault.

P'ter Feb 18 2018 02:54 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a Diploma stating that you got a grade B, as that's the best you can get with a pencil. It's either that or an H.

*Inserts a Confederate Double Eagle.*

Dragon Fan Feb 19 2018 10:58 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine breaks out in ABBA tune, Money,Money,Money!

Inserts Rumpelstiltskin's dagger.

P'ter Feb 21 2018 06:10 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
To the accompaniment of loud female screams, the machine delivers Rapunzel's shorn locks. A small shutter opens and she reaches out, unsuccessfully, to grab them back. She now has a punk hair-do! She is shoved out of the way by Rumpelstiltskin who apologises for getting mixed up in the wrong story; and claims he was meant to carve Cinderella's pumpkin ready for Halloween.

*Inserts a piglet.*

Dragon Fan Feb 21 2018 06:28 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Christopher Robbin, followed by Eyor, Kanga, Roo, and of course Winnie the Pooh and Tigger ( Bouncing ) too, Thank you for returning THE piglet to his rightful place in the Story. They all skip away, in search of a honey tree of course.

Inserts a Thimble.

vyon Feb 22 2018 06:16 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Tinkerbell flits out of the machine and gives you a kiss before flying off to join Christopher Robin and company.

Inserts the Mad Hatter's teapot, complete with dormouse ...

Daccio Feb 22 2018 06:17 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Sugarcube-sized mouse bits drop out.

Inserts an old instamatic photo of a broken violin A string...

P'ter Feb 23 2018 05:21 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine replies with a G-string. Gypsy Rose Lee is still 'inside' it!

*Inserts a new-born sized diaper.*

Dragon Fan Feb 23 2018 09:47 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The smell that drift out of the machine are quite...Aromatic!

Inserts a gallon sized bottle of disinfection solution........ And a new Diaper.

P'ter Feb 24 2018 05:13 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There's a loud crashing noise. After a bit the diaper is returned with a message written on it. "In order to function to its designed standards; this machine relies on a certain degree of pollution. For an indeterminate period, therefore, the output is liable to fall below our usual high standards of Heisenbergian Uncertainty or Indeterminacy. Output may well be rational. You have been warned."

*Inserts the last sheet from a file pad.*

Dragon Fan Feb 24 2018 11:53 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A supply of new file pads are ejected, seems the last page had ( Time to Reorder ) on the backside of the sheet. The Bill for the new pads is also delivered.

Inserts a tail light for a 1971 Volkswagen Beetle, original old stock.

P'ter Feb 26 2018 08:29 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers an original VW elektro-zubehör still in its box.

*With difficulty, inserts the electric pre-selector gearbox from an Armstrong Siddley Sapphire 3.65 litre saloon.*

Dragon Fan Feb 26 2018 09:55 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Horns and whistles blow loudly, Hurrah! We can Drive miss Daisy Again!

Inserts an entire radio controlled Spitfire model Airplane.

P'ter Feb 27 2018 04:29 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine rejects the Spitfire; and follows it up with a radio-controlled Me109 which chases the Spit. A puppy-fight ensues (They're not big enough for it to be a dog-fight). Eventually, the Me109 bites the dust and the Spit flies off into the distance doing victory rolls.

*Inserts an original recording of the trial of Rudolph Hess, made on a wire recorder.*

Dragon Fan Feb 27 2018 10:44 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Silence..................Tears of Sorrow..............Slow Healing...............Never Forgetting.

Inserts a corn muffin mix and 3 racks of Ribs from Corky's of Memphis Tennessee ! Yum !


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