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-   -   Game: The Universal Vending Machine (http://forums.srellim.org/showthread.php?t=8488)

P'ter Nov 19 2017 03:27 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine bursts into song "Skep to the loo, you drongoes."

*Inserts Master Harper Roninton's journeyman gitar.*

Dragon Fan Nov 19 2017 07:36 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A band of folk singers parades out singing down home tunes, on homemade instruments. belting out song after song, until late into the night, where they then fade away into the darkness.

Inserts a 3 piece suit, of plaid.

P'ter Nov 21 2017 05:44 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine William Topaz McGonagall wearing said tartan suit, and declaiming his worst poem "The Famous Tay Whale".

*Inserts a "double-elephant" drawing board.*

Dragon Fan Nov 23 2017 05:44 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Sketches of wildlife , portraits, and beach scenes, spew from the machine for you to frame and sell on the sidewalk !

Inserts a pair of wooden shoes.

P'ter Nov 23 2017 06:16 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers Margot Fonteyn, Svetlana Beriosova, & Darcy Bussel, all doing the Dame's dance from La Fille Mal Garde.

*Inserts a copy of Dragon's Dawn.*

Dragon Fan Nov 24 2017 05:30 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A Ruth sized Bronze Dragon head peeks out to check out what is going on, Gives a squawk and disappears back inside.

Inserts an old time Stetson Cowboy hat.

P'ter Nov 25 2017 05:30 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine attacks you with an old fashioned Colt Peacemaker cowboy revolver.


It misses.


*Inserts a collection of Christmas-tree ornaments made from old coke cans.*

Dragon Fan Nov 25 2017 05:39 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Ornaments are received just it time to decorate a Christmas tree at the Veterans Home, along with Donations from around the town, they will have a perfect Nostalgia themed Christmas !

Inserts a sincere Thank you note, And A dozen Oatmeal Raisin Cookies With A bottle of cheer !

P'ter Nov 27 2017 04:34 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers Mike Yarwood doing his impression of Hughie Green's "I mean that most sincerely Folks" and bangiing the gong from "Double Your Money".

*Inserts an overdose of teenage angst.*

Dragon Fan Nov 28 2017 05:34 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine begins blaring Beatle tunes, Followed by the Ramones and Beach boys, until you scream for mercy!

Inserts a coloring book and a box of Crayola crayons.

P'ter Nov 29 2017 01:55 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine extrudes a note demanding a supply of picture frames.

*Inserts just one frame.*

Dragon Fan Nov 29 2017 08:22 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
3D printed copies of said frame, With machine original, Crayola colored pictures begin appearing in high end art galleries for sale at $150.00 each. All profits from the sales go to the " Lost pygmies support fund " of London England.

Inserts A Movie Poster From the original "King Kong "

P'ter Nov 30 2017 04:07 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a small monkey, which clings to the machine in a cheap 3-D imitation of the poster; whilst being strafed by a anachronistic drone.

*Inserts a year planner for 1665.*

Dragon Fan Nov 30 2017 09:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine delivers a list of venues to visit in 1665, Sorry to disappoint, but all were closed due to plague.

Inserts a Candied fruit Rum Cake and a mug of lightly sweetened spiced tea.

vyon Dec 1 2017 06:57 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Santa emerges, licking his lips and looking around for more ...

Inserts one Christmas elf.

P'ter Dec 1 2017 07:59 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers, and surrounds itself, with large quantities of reindeer poo.

*Stuffs as much of it as possible back into the machine.*

Dragon Fan Dec 1 2017 05:57 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
No fertilizer for you! Machine wishes you a Merry Christmas and ejects your Christmas gift, A lump of Coal! Coated in Reindeer Poo !

Inserts a Top Hat and cane,

P'ter Dec 2 2017 05:28 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a smart gift-wrapped case containing a complete Fred Astair dressing set complete with tap-shoes. It then turns itself into a dressing room in which you may change. You dance off down the road forgetting the machine; and have to return somewhat later to find the machine in a huff and refusing to open its insert slot.

After giving the machine a demonstration of how not to dance "The Way You Look tonight" it condescends to allow you to *insert a very small rain storm.*

Dragon Fan Dec 2 2017 08:19 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The small rain storm is returned enlarged, After being rained on by small thunder cloud for most of the day, you are drenched and floating in your shoes. After many attempts to remove your soaked and shrunken shoes and socks you finally get relief.

Inserts a shoe horn and some Lavender soap.

Greenrider Tresa Dec 2 2017 09:59 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A boy emerges and starts polishing your shoes for you.

*inserts a box containing a puzzle*

P'ter Dec 8 2017 08:48 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers Mister Rubik armed with all the versions of his cube, including the Irish (all white) version.

*Inserts a roll of clingfilm.*

Dragon Fan Dec 9 2017 03:18 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Using the roll of Clingfilm, to weave a panel to shield all from a small thunder cloud that is rather insistent on following people around and raining on their parades.

Inserts a Magic Elfin Dagger passed down from ages gone by.

P'ter Dec 11 2017 07:26 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a card inscribed "Thankyou. Bilbo Baggins."

*Inserts a snowplough*

Dragon Fan Dec 12 2017 06:25 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
After the plough clears a path to the store, We return home where we enjoy a nice breakfast of green eggs and ham.

Inserts a well read copy of Dr. Seuss's Thing 1 and Thing 2.

P'ter Dec 13 2017 07:48 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a tan onesie and a box of blue hair dye.

*Inserts a winch and the Grinch.*

Dragon Fan Dec 13 2017 07:07 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The Grinch runs away screaming the Who's are after him, The winch is used to hoist the roast beast to the table and the feasting begins, Who's and all !

Inserts a Calendar from the year 1959 and a Free pass to the movie of your choice.

P'ter Dec 15 2017 11:16 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a personal invitation from Pope John XXIII to the opening of Vatican 2, and a d.v.d. of Anderson's film "Pope Joan".

*Inserts the original announcement of the birth of Christ from the Bethlehem Times of 25th December 7BC.*

Dragon Fan Dec 15 2017 04:48 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
It is verified, this is the only known original announcement of the holy birth in the world, it sells at auction for us$150,000,000. to the Vatican. All proceeds to go to the homeless Orphans of South American Pygmy's .

Inserts a copy of the flyer from the auction.

P'ter Dec 15 2017 05:34 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine goes into full auction mode, taking bids from invisible bidders. Just as the gavel bangs down on the final bid ($250) you realise that the machine has just sold your signed first edition of Weyr Search! You burst into tears.

*Inserts a wet tissue.*

Greenrider Tresa Dec 15 2017 10:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A tissue paper rose emerges.

*Inserts an alien skull*

P'ter Dec 17 2017 10:17 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine front opens to allow a very puzzled Carl Linnaeus to walk out trying to decide how to classify said alien skull.

*Inserts a pair of my grandson's socks (almost an alien life form)*

Dragon Fan Dec 19 2017 08:08 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine will not accept Bio warfare weapons. Said Sock is spit back to you encased in a polymer shield. United Nations security has been notified. Smelly socks are serious stuff!

Inserts a case of air freshener in a nice pine scent.

P'ter Dec 20 2017 06:30 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The space around the machine transforms into a Cascadian courtroom about to hear the case of Captain Vatta versus Captain Furman. All personel are correctly adorned with wreaths of pine.

*Inserts a green jellybaby.*

Dragon Fan Dec 21 2017 08:10 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
With a rumble and a Quiver, out oozes a Giant green Jelly baby which proceeds to bumble and bounce around London leaving globs of green sticky parts of itself all about. until it disintegrates.

Inserts a giant Rolaid antacid tablet.

P'ter Dec 22 2017 05:58 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine lets fly with the world's loudest and .longest belch, which shakes the machine to pieces, and results in eighteen people being taken to hospital with acute hearing loss.

After the replacement machine is installed; *inserts a old piece of cardboard on which is written "Welcome to the quietest corner of hell."*

Dragon Fan Dec 22 2017 06:47 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
After quietly reading, the sign bursts into flame, 2 weeks later after most of London has burnt to the ground. the fire is blamed on a rodent gnawing on wiring.

Inserts a Theresa May Chia Pet.

P'ter Dec 23 2017 08:40 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
By some freak of quantum mechanics coupled with a quark resonator, what the msachine returns is a Chia Teresa May with green pottery wellies. This is appropriated by Boris Johnson.

*Inserts a sample of reindeer poo.*

Greenrider Tresa Dec 23 2017 03:17 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A baby reindeer with a glowing red nose and sparkling antlers appears.

*Inserts a bundle of tik shoots*

::Grins at P'ter and goes back to reading Cold Welcome::

P'ter Dec 24 2017 07:38 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A door opens on the machine and an Bollywood film crew charge out chased by an elephant.

*Inserts the world's first sample of dehydrated water.*

Dragon Fan Dec 24 2017 10:27 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine does nothing, finally a blinking light is noticed and denotes," no sample inserted" after 15 minutes the machine accepts your sample and delivers you a response.

Inserts a sliver of Obsidian rock.


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