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-   -   Game: The Universal Vending Machine (http://forums.srellim.org/showthread.php?t=8488)

Greenrider Tresa Aug 20 2017 12:45 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a thick Cuban pork sandwhich
*inserts portrait of Kim Jong-un*

vyon Aug 20 2017 07:54 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out come three long missiles on many-wheeled trailers.

You discover that they are hollow stage-props rusty with long use and re-insert two of them. The third was last seen disappearing over a hill.

P'ter Aug 20 2017 02:56 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a long roll of canvas with some poles sticking out. On opening it all up, you discover a ridge-tent with red crosses on it, and a lot of sand. It was last used as the sick-bay during the filming of Lawrence of Arabia.

*Inserts a packet of Camel cigarettes.*

Kugai Aug 20 2017 06:45 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a Camel coughing and wheezing with a cigarette in its mouth before it keels over and expires

*Reinserts the Camel*

Dragon Fan Aug 21 2017 09:26 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
out flies a swarm of sand flies and a lost Bedouin Herder, one follows the other away down the lane.

Inserts a brass flower pot.

Kugai Aug 22 2017 06:53 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes the Pot with Bill and Ben in it.


*Inserts a toy Merry-go-round*

P'ter Aug 23 2017 01:49 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out come the entire cast of Magic Roundabout: Brian, Dougal, Dylan, Ermintrude, Florence, Mr McHenry, and Zebedee. They all fool around till Zebedee tells them it's time for bed; whereupon the machine hoovers them back up.

*Inserts an ancient BBC test card.*

Kugai Aug 23 2017 06:33 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes The Goodnight Kiwi from NZ who waxes lyrical about the days when TV used to shut down for the night and he has a job.


*Inserts a picture of a Kitten*

P'ter Aug 25 2017 02:00 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers Ringul.

*Inserts a 1960s fashion jacket.*

Sandi Aug 25 2017 03:26 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out pops a long-haired person in a miniskirt and go go boots.

* Inserts a police whistle. *

P'ter Aug 25 2017 06:13 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine unloads Sr. Sgt. Tom Croydon, Chris Reilly, Sr. Det. P. J. Hasham, Const. Maggie Doyle, Sr. Const. Ben Stewart, Sr. Const. Nick Schultz, and the rest of the cast of Blue Heelers who look around rather bemused to find no cameras, and try to arrest the machine for obstructing the course of justice.

*Inserts a lamp-shade.*

Kugai Aug 25 2017 07:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes the Pixar Desk Lamp wearing it as a hat. He shakes it off and hops back into the machine


*Inserts a Cave Troll Action Figure*

Dragon Fan Aug 25 2017 10:41 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine is confused on what to do with little cave guy. Ejects the following Note, " uh, Thanks "

Inserts a Fiddle.

P'ter Aug 26 2017 05:30 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine releases Tevye, Golde, Tzeitel, Hodel, Chava, Shprintze and Bielke into locale whence they run around seeking out the nearest synagogue.

*Inserts a fresnel spotlight.*

Kugai Aug 26 2017 05:39 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a Standup Comedian. His routine has you in stitches


*Inserts a Medical Note*

Sandi Aug 26 2017 07:28 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Note has somebody else's name on it.

* Burns note and inserts matchbook *

Dragon Fan Aug 27 2017 12:33 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine reads the matchbook cover and ejects an order form for new Checks.

Inserts a pen with no ink in it.

P'ter Aug 27 2017 02:09 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A nozzle protrudes from the machine and delivers a load of ink with no pen round it.

*After cleaning one's self up; inserts a foetal stethascope.*

Kugai Aug 27 2017 08:19 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Congratulations P'ter, got no answer for that one

Dragon Fan Aug 27 2017 10:48 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
picks up the stethascope, Determines that the machine is still making sounds of functionality,


Inserts a "fix anything manual" crosses fingers and hopes for the best !

P'ter Aug 28 2017 04:57 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Unfortunately, the machine runs electronically not manually, so the book is not much use.

*Inserts a Bhutanese ngultrum.*

Kugai Aug 28 2017 05:14 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes this years Annual Happiness Index

*Inserts a Beachball*

Sandi Aug 28 2017 10:21 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out pops a Jack Russel Terrier that runs up the street looking for another ball to devour.

* Inserts a bag of chocolate candy *

P'ter Aug 29 2017 10:36 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a syringe of settlement insulin.

*Inserts the finals history exam paper from the Mason University College (1898)*

Kugai Aug 29 2017 07:53 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
It comes back out with a B+ mark


*Inserts a copy of Ian Flemings Biography*

Sandi Aug 29 2017 11:06 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Taped on the back is a bill for a very expensive car.

* Inserts a martini, shaken, not stirred. *

Kugai Aug 30 2017 09:16 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
*Returns Martini and asks for a Guinness*

P'ter Aug 31 2017 06:32 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a large plastic toucan.

*Inserts a prototype Samsung tablet.*

Kugai Aug 31 2017 06:54 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Once turned on it demands to be returned to it's true Master, the Borg Queen then the Battery explodes in flames and the whole thing melts into a puddle of plastic and scorched parts.


*Reinserts congealed, cooled mess of former device*

Sandi Aug 31 2017 07:38 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out pops an 8-track player screaming "Help! I need somebody....."

*Inserts a three dollar bill*

Dragon Fan Aug 31 2017 11:09 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Receive message " unable to complete transaction, please try again"

Inserts a 3 foot section of chain

P'ter Sep 1 2017 07:37 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers 22 yards of chain, complete with the correct brass tags, also 4 rods and 4 poles. The latter are illegal immigrants and thus not allowed to perch here. They are subsequently bound in the chain and being beaten with the rods.

*Inserts an Abney Level.*

Kugai Sep 1 2017 07:21 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a workman to check that the machine is on the straight and level, then he reenters the machine


*Inserts a Leather Apron*

vyon Sep 2 2017 08:34 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
It comes out covered in Masonic symbols.

Inserts four Korean drums, a round one, an hour-glass shaped one and a small and large gong, including players in bright costumes.

Sandi Sep 2 2017 01:37 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The drum dancers dance around the machine while you

*insert a lift ticket from dragon valley ski resort*

Kugai Sep 2 2017 08:07 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a pair of Skis, Ski Poles and a woolly hat.


*Inserts an Emergency Radio Beacon*

P'ter Sep 3 2017 03:46 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a note saying, "Thank you; the beacon is being retained for the next emergency."

*Inserts a piece of cardboard with "EMERGENCY!" written on it in frightening letters.*

Kugai Sep 3 2017 05:08 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a sign saying DON'T PANIC in large, friendly letters.


*Inserts an Electronic Thumb*

P'ter Sep 4 2017 04:14 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine spits out a Vogon spaceship determined to carry out an entirely unnecessary rescue.

In order to avoid being voided by the Vogons -- *Inserts self.*

Kugai Sep 4 2017 07:09 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine makes an odd wheezing, groaning noise and fades away

*Replaces Machine and inserts an Electric Guitar*


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