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-   -   Game: The Universal Vending Machine (http://forums.srellim.org/showthread.php?t=8488)

P'ter Mar 1 2018 05:01 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a well-filled barf-bag -- it turns out to be gluten intolerant.

*Inserts two odd socks.*

Dragon Fan Mar 1 2018 06:24 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Takes the two odd socks and puts them in another washer. Then Dryer, the odd socks are mated to two yet Odder socks and become important items in a new clown suit. Soon to be seen in a remake of, A Bed time for Bonzo. part Two.

Inserts a Small tin of peppermint jelly candies.

P'ter Mar 2 2018 02:50 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A large cloud of evil smoke emitted from the machine apprises you that this particular machine is dyslexic, and thought the label read "candles".

*Inserts an application form for an 'Enhanced Disclosure and Barring" certificate.*

Dragon Fan Mar 2 2018 07:30 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A paper airplane made from the EDB form shoots out and glides away, trailing a banner reading " Not Hiring, Not Nobody, Not No How !

Inserts the "Key" to a pair of roller Skates.

P'ter Mar 3 2018 05:12 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine takes off down the road performing alternating Choctaw and Lutz turns.

After ten minutes, it returns and performs a Mohawk to finish, thus enabling the insertion of an old-fashioned alarm clock.

Dragon Fan Mar 5 2018 06:32 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
I'm up ! I'm up ! Alarm clock is smashed to pieces when it bounces off the wall.

Inserts a set of micro tools and the clock pieces.

P'ter Mar 6 2018 01:26 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The alarm clock is returned rebuilt. Unfortunately it is now set to run as a sidereal clock, with the alarm going off every time the moon occludes a major star.

*Inserts a pack of cigarette filters (smoky bacon flavoured).*

Dragon Fan Mar 6 2018 05:00 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Filters are burnt as incense, Attracting many, many cats and dogs looking for a treat, finding nothing to eat they start wandering away.

Inserts a used flea collar, ( from one of the cats)

P'ter Mar 7 2018 02:32 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers Charlton Heston dressed as Moses declaring, in stentorian tones, the arrival of the third Egyptian plagues.

*Inserts a one-way ticket for an all expenses paid trip to the promised land with a plenitude of stopovers each guaranteed to be utterly boring.*

Dragon Fan Mar 7 2018 06:40 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Not being quite ready for a one way trip to anywhere, the ticket is placed on the Free board beside the machine.

Inserts a set of keihin carb jets.

P'ter Mar 9 2018 03:14 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There's a series of metallic clatterings from inside the machine (and one loud clang from underneath it. The machine takes off down the road (pulling a wheelie) to the loud accompaniment of "Bat Out of Hell", leaving behind a chrome-vanadium torque wrench. After three minutes it noisily re-appears (it has "forgotten" to reattach the silencer) and fish-tails to a showy halt just as the track finishes; much to the admiration of a passing group of 7th-grade boys out on a school-trip.

*Inserts the chrome-vanadium torque wrench.*

Dragon Fan Mar 9 2018 08:04 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The now much quieter machine ( The Wrench was just what was needed) sits awaiting it's next deposit.

Inserts a map of America with a course marked for a trip hitting all 48 mainland States.

vyon Mar 10 2018 06:35 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine extrudes sixteen short, stumpy legs and a suitcase and starts marching.

Inserts a US flag.

P'ter Mar 10 2018 05:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A robot arm appears from the machine and places the flag, now with a knot in each corner, over its top in the manner of a sunhat; and disappears round a corner.

On the arrival of a 'locum' machine, *inserts a pack of baby wipes.*

L'isa Mar 21 2018 08:43 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a jar of baby food labelled peas.

Inserts three plug nickels found on the ground. Must have been leftover from the robot arm.

P'ter Mar 22 2018 05:43 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
From deep inside the machine, a deep voice intones, "Thank you. That will plug a hole in my cash flow." It then screams in falsetto, " Socket to me Baby!"

*Inserts a 2-amp fuse.*

P'ter Apr 1 2018 04:13 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The fuse is returns beautifully gift-wrapped. The attached note states (in a cockney accent) "No use to me Gov; I runs on fairy-dust, innit?"

*Inserts a picture of John Lennon.*

Prouleth Mar 4 2019 11:40 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine buzzes for a moment, and then out pops a wilted flower headband

*inserts a wrinkled dollar bill*

:D :shhh:


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