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-   -   Game: The Universal Vending Machine (http://forums.srellim.org/showthread.php?t=8488)

P'ter Sep 21 2017 03:01 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine, still showing all the hallmarks of dyslexi, delivers a battered Crocker motorbike.

*Inserts a bank overdraft.*

Kugai Sep 22 2017 09:04 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Dour faced Financial Advisor emerges to give you sound advice

*Inserts a pair of Ear Protector Muffs*

vyon Sep 23 2017 08:31 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine clanks, whistles, and spits them out again. You put them on so you can't hear that financial adviser telling you you don't need another new car.

Inserts a used, empty ballot-box.

P'ter Sep 23 2017 01:15 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Through vents on its top, the machine ejects thousands of ballot papers which scatter knee deep around it. In a deep voice it demands a recount.

*Inserts a pepperoni pizza.*

Kugai Sep 23 2017 07:35 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Scoffs Pizza, burps and returns empty box for Recycling. :D


*Inserts a packet of Gummy Snakes*

P'ter Sep 24 2017 06:03 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The gummy snakes flee the machine pursued by a gummy mongoose.

*Inserts a jeroboam of champagne.*

Kugai Sep 24 2017 08:18 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Trades it for a Barrel of Guinness


*Inserts a Pint Glass*

Dragon Fan Sep 24 2017 09:05 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Receives said pint glass back filled with a hard cider, Quite refreshing !

" Inserts a jug of Moonshine "

P'ter Sep 25 2017 04:43 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers a large glass container of glittery starshine.

*Inserts a photo-shopped photo of Winston Churchill giving his victory sign the wrong way round.*

Kugai Sep 25 2017 07:32 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Sets it beside the one of him dressed in a Pinstripe Suit and had with a Tommy Gun - looking for all the world like a Chicago Gangster :D


*Inserts a Stogie*

P'ter Sep 28 2017 03:50 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There is a loud splash and Harvey Cheyne appears sprawled on the pavement, dressed in a cherry blazer, knickerbockers, red stockings and bicycle shoes. His red flannel cap falls off. He is promptly extremely sea-sick and disappears down his own vomit.

*Inserts a vacuum cleaner.*

Kugai Sep 29 2017 07:38 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There is a weird noise and suddenly the Machine collapses in on itself with a wierd schlooping noise.

Replaces Machine and *Inserts a bottle of Romulan Ale*

P'ter Sep 30 2017 06:17 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine staggers off down the street from lamppost to lamppost going "Warf! Warf!"

The usual slot being unavailable: *injects Old Mother Hubbard's Patent Cure-all through a vent slot.*

Kugai Oct 1 2017 05:16 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine immediately sobers up, apologises and returns to its usual position


*Inserts a Silver Bullet(

P'ter Oct 2 2017 06:02 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine enlarges somewhat and delivers a polished aluminium caravan.

*Inserts an empty gas cylinder*

Kugai Oct 3 2017 05:35 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Converts cylinder into a nice Pot Belly Woodburning Stove and warms up the house.


*Inserts a Cord of Wood*

P'ter Oct 4 2017 03:35 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine sounds off with the opening chord of Tchaikovsky's Eugene Onegin in as premiered by Wood in1892.

*Inserts a roll of old-fashioned hard, shiny toilet paper.*

Kugai Oct 4 2017 07:41 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Sets fire to it yelling and screaming in terror.

*Inserts a bottle of Holy Water*

P'ter Oct 5 2017 06:37 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A loud scream is heard and the machine shivers, sprouting a tail and horns. A passing priest takes pity on it and hits it with his bible; whereupon the horns mutate into a halo, the machine sprouts wings and flies away.

After the machine has been replaced (yet again: le sigh!) *inserts the priest.*

Kugai Oct 6 2017 06:09 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There is the sound of Horns, Harps and a Holy Chorus and he reemerges as Pope


*Inserts a Shepherds Crook*

Dragon Fan Oct 6 2017 08:09 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A herd of Sheep run you over as they flee from the Crook !

Inserts a roll of bandages and a Splint.

P'ter Oct 7 2017 01:12 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers the bandages back, wrapped around an invisible mummy with a splinted fractured leg.

*Inserts a bill for Obama-care.*

Kugai Oct 7 2017 05:47 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Sends Bill to the Republican Party



*Inserts a Trump Hat*

vyon Oct 8 2017 07:04 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
It rolls itself into a trumpet and tootles off into the distance searching for the right hairpiece.

Inserts a teeter-totter, one end painted blue, the other red and green, with a local politician standing on it wondering which way to go.

P'ter Oct 8 2017 04:30 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers the politician back, well perforated from sitting on the fence too long. He gallops off in all directions.

*In true Navy Lark tradition, inserts a street map of Broadstairs.*

Kugai Oct 8 2017 05:48 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine read the Map wrong and winds up in Broadchurch.


*Inserts a SatNav*

P'ter Oct 10 2017 05:40 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine rejects the Satnav with the message "I ain't going nowhere."

*Inserts a steady cam.*

Kugai Oct 10 2017 07:20 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
There is a loud 'POP' and you and the Machine suddenly find yourselfves on the Forest Moon of Endor as Speeder Bikes scream past you at high speed. One crashes explosively into the Machine.

When you come to a couple of minutes later, it's midnight and you're on the grass at the New Jersey Turnpike next to a Statue of john Malkovich

*Replaces Machine and inserts a picture of Angilina Jolie*

P'ter Oct 11 2017 05:04 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A rumble from the machine heralds the arrival of a Lego-sized Lara Croft who lies sprawled on the sidewalk. A further rumble leads to her getting buried in thousands of Malteesers.

*Inserts a helping of mint-choc chip ice-cream.*

Kugai Oct 11 2017 07:01 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Deanna Troi emerges, thanks you for the Ice Cream while returning the Bowl and Spoon then reenters the Machine

*Inserts a Seven of Nine Action Figure*

P'ter Oct 12 2017 05:05 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers 30 punnets of strawberries.

*Inserts an inflatable cushion.*

Kugai Oct 13 2017 05:49 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Inflates Cushion and uses same as backrest



*Inserts a Coupon for a Shiatzu Massage*

P'ter Oct 14 2017 04:34 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine delivers two animals: a Maine Coon cat massaging a Shih Tzu.

*Inserts a plastic fork.*

Kugai Oct 14 2017 06:16 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine delivers a Railways Pork Pie on a paper Plate with a plastic Knife and Fork

*Inserts a Railways Tea Cup*

vyon Oct 16 2017 07:20 AM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
It bounces around in the machine with a horrible clatter, is ejected at speed, ricochets off a concrete wall and a passing rubbish truck before landing at your feet - without a scratch or a chip.

Thinks she might have more luck inserting a concrete mixer.

Dragon Fan Oct 16 2017 07:32 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Out comes a large stack of concrete blocks.

After constructing a BBQ pit, Inserts a perfectly roasted rack of pork ribs, Dripping with a Tangy Sauce.

P'ter Oct 17 2017 05:40 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine belches and delivers a card requesting antacid.

*Inserts an entire bottle of Enos Fruit Salts.*

Greenrider Tresa Oct 22 2017 11:59 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
A hot cup of chamomile tea emerges, followed by a plate of biscuits.

Inserts a bright orange flag.

P'ter Oct 23 2017 04:55 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
The machine emits a loud blast from a referee's whistle; and the entire Dutch football emerges in their orange strip. They disappear down the street chasing a ball.

*Inserts a (sucked) segment of a Navel orange.*

Dragon Fan Oct 23 2017 08:40 PM

Re: The Universal Vending Machine
 
Machine thanks you for the Organic matter to add to the compost bin!

Inserts a variety of heirloom seeds


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